More Than Expected

103

Asia POV

"Come on baby." I laughed as he did push up. "You got it!" He laughed.

We go in tonight so I can prepped for the c section. I think he is really nervous because he is being way more silly than normal.

"You are pushing it with the 200."

"Am I pushing it or you lost count."

"I lost count." We laughed and he laid flat on the floor.

I couldn't help but get lost in my own head. I just hate the fact that we have to go through this. Why can't I just be the woman that I was born and have a fucking baby the rest of the way? Am I going to have to cut my stomach open every time I want to have a baby?If that's the case, this is going to be the only baby we have and I don't wanna restrict him like that. But I can't go through this. I can't keep going through this, in this shit really makes me feel weird. It's so many women who have babies regular, why can't I be one of those women. It's like I'm some type of freak or something. I know that's harsh, but is the truth. It's like I'm a malfunction or some thing.

"You know what I hope?"

"What?"

"On day I can have a baby the regular way." He looked at me. " I just want to have a natural birth and be like a natural woman. I don't want to have to go through C-section after C-section. If my next pregnancy causes me to have a C-section I'm not even sure that I'm going to even try for another baby honestly. I don't want to keep cutting myself open to do some thing that I'm naturally designed to do. I just don't understand why I have to go to all of this. I mean yes, I have PCOS, but damn. This is all just too much. And I try not to stress it, and I've been doing very well this whole time. I don't wanna be stuck in the bed, I want to have a baby shower, gender reveal... I want to be able to be outside with my friends on girl brunches. Just outside being beautiful and pregnant. I want to indulge in those things, but what if that's not possible for me?"

" it will be possible for you, we're going to get us together. I'm going to even be more healthier because if I'm healthier and you're healthier, we won't be having problems. We are going to get your PCOS under control, we are going to do a little bit more research on that. We need some test ran, I'm gonna get some testing ran on my sperm, we're going to get this together. We're going to get to the root of the problem and fix it. You are going to have Babies the natural way, I'm going to make that happen for you." I nodded and he got up and sat beside me. " I know that you're scared about the scar that it will leave but honestly, that is just a trophy for me. You don't have to be insecure about it. That is beauty, you had my child. That's a warrior scar that's all that is and every time I kiss it I'm going to know the story behind it and be so proud. I know you're worried about a lot of things going into the C-section and into the surgery just in general but we will make it out. Yahweh has us. He will protect us from all." I nodded.

" I just want to be normal." I felt my self over flow with emotion.

" you are a normal , this is more common than you think. This doesn't make you any less of a woman. You're still strong enough to build a baby inside of you. You're still woman enough to carry a baby, you are still woman enough to have magical powers that men will never know or understand. You still have all of that. You still run the world." He wiped my face. " reproduction doesn't make you a woman. You were born a woman, you are caring, you are nurturing, you are unique, you are so precious and so beautiful. It's so many elements that going to be in a woman and you have all of them." I nodded.