Censored (One Direction fanfiction)

Chapter 129

Chapter 129

It was hard to sleep that night. My eyes watered several times but no tears ran down my red cheeks. I had that feeling in my eyes like when you're choking, but a piece of beef wasn't, lodged in my esophagus, just knifes wedged in to my broken heart.

Louis used to always leave the toothpaste cap off, so when I went to brush my teeth I got the choking feeling. Then when I showered, I had some music playing like usual and Toxic came on. I just stood in the shower for at least two hours doing nothing. The cold water running down my bare back didn't faze me, and neither did the banging Adrian was doing on the door to try and get me to come out. I keep the door locked now.
My car angers me. It brings back too many memories of Louis, but I'm trying to forget them. I even tweeted 'Can't wait to go out tonight!! <3' just to make Louis jealous and mad, when really I only went out to get the mail.
I threw out the CD Louis got me, I should have sold it but it's too late now.

Adrian tries not to talk about One Direction in front of me, and when I walk in the living room he switches tabs so he is just staring at the main Google screen so I don't have to see his blog.

It's only been a day since I found out all this information and I think I'm doing pretty well for a girl who's just had her heart thrown on the ground and had a Mexican hat dance done on it. I have two days of work, then the funeral Saturday. Work asked if I needed some more time off, but I politely turned down their offer. The best thing for me to do right now is to have some busy work.

I am actually quite excited for my first day of work tomorrow. As I climb in to bed, my heart beats of excitement, and not agony. I hope I can sleep better tonight.

The next morning I wake up from a nightmare. I tried to go back to sleep but the nightmare took off right where it was paused. I fear I'll have these nightmares for a while. I don't know where they're coming from. I'd assume they're from Louis, but it is totally irrelevant to him. I'm just being chased up stairs by a dead river lady. The stairs never end.

Looking at the clock on my bedside table, I have an hour until I'm actually supposed to get up and get ready, so I decide to just lie in bed and go through twitter on my phone.

I'm glad to see I'm no longer getting tons of hate, and I'm surprised to see I'm actually getting some sympathy. It surprises me even more that some of the fans are actually shaming Louis for what he did. It's like they're taking me side of the argument. However there is nothing left to argue.

I shut my phone off and rub my eyes. Sunlight is beginning to drift through the windows, and the clock beeps for my original alarm for 9:00 AM, which is not a bad time to go to work. I open my curtains and yawn, then feel the window for the temperature. My palm heats up, and I take it off the window and walk to my closet. Using the information my hand got me, I pick out a pair of black shorts, and a white button up blouse. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to dress, so I try to go in the middle of casual and formal. I add a gold rectangular ring to my middle finger and grab some black high-heeled T-strap sandals. When that's finished, I brush through my hair and pin back my bangs. I only add foundation and black eyeliner to my face, not wanting to go too over the top with my makeup in case I cry today, which I'm hoping I won't.

Looking at the clock, I'm glad to see I used all the time I allowed myself to stay at home so I don't have to hang around here all day. I quickly brush my teeth and grab my black stud purse that Adrian got me for my birthday last year. I didn't think I would ever use it, it's not really my style but I'm feeling adventurous today.

I sigh as I step in to my car and try to push the memories back. I turn on the radio and listen to random music that comes on the radio, not really caring how terrible it is. I don't really think as I drive to work. I still drive carefully and watch what I'm doing, but I don't think otherwise. I don't daydream or wonder what I'm going to be doing today at work, I just drive.

When I finally pull in to the parking lot my brain returns. I remember what I'm doing and begin to grow more excited. I enter the building and wave at the receptionist as I turn to walk down the familiar hallway. I try not to think about the time Louis and I walked down this same hallway to get to the interview, but it keeps creeping back to my mind. I shake my head and grab the handle to the door to my office. I take a deep breath, force a smile and push open the door.