Shawn Mendes Imagines !!

Overwhelmed & Insecure

Shawn's POV

Leaning on the bathroom sink and staring into the taunting mirror in front of me, all I could see was a reflection staring back at me that I hated. Feeling the hot tears well up in my eyes again, I backed away from the sink meeting the smooth bathroom wall behind me. Slowly, I slid down the surface, tears rolling down my cheeks as I sat on the cold bathroom floor with my knees pulled up against my chest.

The all too familiar feeling of failure washed over my body. My mind was spiraling into a pit of endless anxiety. My breaths became shorter, my chest heaving to obtain as much oxygen as possible. My hands started to shake and even when I ran them through my long curls, a nervous habit I have that usually calms my nerves, it seemed to just make everything worse. The bright light from the overhead light fixture in the bathroom suddenly became too much. My eyes were puffy as the tears flowed uncontrollably down my rosy cheeks.

And as much as I hated feeling like this, it was nothing new.

My anxiety attacks had grown more frequent in the last few months than ever before and they always ended the same way; laying on the bathroom feeling absolutely nothing. I couldn't ever stop them and I never knew where they sprouted from but once my anxiety took over, I shut the world and everything in it, out. It didn't always help, but when everything around me becomes too much, it's the only thing I can think to do.

Thoughts of the last week float through my mind and the anxious feeling floods through every inch of my body. The announcement of a new and even longer tour. Being torn away from the love of my life again for months on end. Keeping up with all my social media accounts, portraying that everything is fine, even though it's not. Everything seemed to crumble around me as I walked through the door of my empty condo this afternoon, hoping to bury all my problems in cuddles with Y/N, my longtime girlfriend, when I remembered she wouldn't be home until later. The little things always cracked the undeniable anxiety that was building up in my chest all week.

Placing my head in my hands as my breathing became more uneven and the bathroom seemed to become smaller and smaller, I heard the front door open.

"Shawn?" Y/N's sweet voice called through the empty condo. "Baby, where are you?" she asked, her footsteps lightly audible on the soft carpet that lined the hallway to our bedroom. A fresh wave of hot tears rolled down my cheeks at the thought of Y/N having to find me like this again. I hated worrying her, even though she was the only who could really comfort me and made me feel safe and at home. "Shawn?" she called out again, nervous this time. I could hear her approaching the door that separated our bedroom from the connected bathroom I was currently in.

The doorknob rattled for a brief second. Trying to hide my sobs, I knew Y/N had already figured out where I was. The door opened less than a minute later and my beautiful girlfriend stood in the doorway. Instantly, I memorized everything about the way she looked. The color her Vans were, the blue jeans she was wearing, the yellow T-shirt that she often stole from my closet and wore it out, somehow pulling it off better than me. The way her hair flowed over her shoulders, the pair of sunglasses that were preached on top of her head and the concern that flooded her eyes as she looked at me.

"Oh no, no. Baby, come here." She immediately dropped to her knees against the chilly bathroom tiles and pulled my body into her smaller one. My head fell perfectly into the crook of her neck as my arms wrapped around her torso, holding her tightly against me. She rubbed one of her hands up and down my back while the other simply cradled my neck lightly. Sobs raked through my body and as my tears wetted her shirt, I could hear Y/N whispering sweet words into my ear.

"Shhh, it's okay. I promise. I'm here now. I love you much Shawn. Please, it's okay," her soft voice filled the small bathroom as she rocked the two of us back and forth on the cold floor. Her lips pressed a fond but loving kiss to my temple. Silence fell over us for a minute before Y/N slightly pulled away, meeting my gaze. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot from the excessive amount of crying I couldn't stop. My forest green shirt clung tightly to my torso as Y/N moved her hands up to my cheeks, lightly wiping away the steady flow of tears with the pads of her thumbs. A few sniffles filled the room as my hands settled on her hips, my mind still spinning.