*ON HIATUS* Kpop&K-Actors Imagines [Requests CLOSED]

U(Seung Jun-KNK)

~I hate you but I need you. I hate you but I miss you. Your beautiful and dazzling eyes, it doesn't shine anymore. Your warm lips speak coldly now~

His POV:

"Hyung, how're you feeling?" 

I ignored Jihun, instead focusing my attention solely on the picture frame I held in my palms. The picture that was trapped in between the glass and back piece, the picture of you and me on our three year anniversary. I smiled as I looked at you, remembering how you always managed to look so beautiful even when you said that you didn't try. We were both happy, with huge smiles on our faces as we looked to the camera.

I faintly heard Jihun let out a sigh then walk out of the room, leaving me to be alone. In the room I've locked myself in since you left. I've barely eaten, only when the guys can convince me to. I just sit there, staring at our pictures, at the life we used to share together, and hating myself for letting you go. There was no way I could make you stay though, and I hated myself for that. I hated you, hated you for making me love you so much that I feel like I've lost a part of me completely now that you're gone.

~You, I'm sorry baby say goodbye. I hate you. My hands can't let go of you, my heart still calls out to you. No matter how much I stretch out I can't reach you, that's how far your heart has gotten. I can't hold onto you~

I remember that night, the fight we had about the stupidest little thing then you stormed off crying after I said words I didn't mean. When I told you that I hated you, that I hated our relationship, your face crumpled. I hated seeing it, it hurt me so much watching how my words affected you. Words that I never even meant, but that is the price I have to pay for making you leave. Making you run into your car when it was storming and drive away. 

I don't mind living with the guilt, it makes me remember you and I love that. I love living in our memories, remembering our fights then our make-ups. Remembering the way you felt in my arms though, that's my favorite. Sometimes, I honestly felt like if I closed my eyes I could feel your warmth against me. That's what I miss the most, not being able to hold you.

I hated the fact that I'll never get to wake up and see you in the morning, sleeping soundly with little snores escaping. They were cute and they made me love you even more. I remember on our days off, you'd wake me up by giving me little kisses all over my face. I'd smile and wake up, then I'd hug you to me and give you a long kiss. One that would show you how much I loved having you there. And then I messed everything up, and now I'll never be able to experience those things again.

~It's over, why am I the only one hurting? It's over, I curse at you and hate you but in the end, I'm calling out to you again. Hurry and hold me~

"Can't you do just help out around here once?! I'm not asking you to clean the whole flipping house, but it would be nice if you could stop playing your stupid games and help out once or twice!"

I watched as you screamed at me, finally getting fed up with how I acted around here. "Well, I'm sorry that I go to work and want to come home and do nothing but relax! What the hell happened to this relationship?! You ruined it by nagging so frikin much! Jeez, and you know what if you don't like that then get the hell out, because I'm the one who owns this house not you and I'm tired of you doing this crap!"

"Fine," you said as you wiped your eyes and walked into the front foyer. Then after grabbing your wallet, jacket, and phone you left the house. 

Now that I think about it, she was right to yell at me about not helping out. I didn't and now I can't do anything to make it right because you were gone. I still curse that car, curse God for making it rain, curse myself for being the reason you left crying. I miss you, so so much. I'm so sorry, I can't ever tell you how sorry I am. With that last thought, I drifted off into a nightmare filled sleep clutching our picture to my chest.