Tonight's date night with my boyfriend of three years, singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes, and I can't wait. Shawn told me that I didn't have to dress up much, so I wore black jeans, a white shirt with a greenish grayish long scarf, a black purse, a leather jacket, and black boots. Good, I'm nice and warm during this autumn day. I stepped out to where Shawn was. He was wearing a gray shirt with a jacket over it and black jeans.
"Shawn? Do I look okay?" I asked. Shawn turned around and smiled at me.
"Gorgeous, per usual." Shawn said, causing me to blush which caused him to laugh.
"Thank you my love. So where are we going?" I said and asked.
"We're going to a nice restaurant downtown. I really hope that you like it." Shawn said. I put my hand to his cheek and rubbed his cheek.
"I like wherever you take me." I said. Shawn smiled at me again and kissed my forehead.
"I love you my dear." He said.
"I love you too." I said. Shawn patted my back.
"Come on, let's get going." He said. Shawn took me to the nice restaurant and it looked beautiful, even from the outside.
"Shawn are we dressed up enough?" I asked. He chuckled.
"Yes. I've been here before with Andrew." He said. I nodded.
"Okay." I said. We stepped out of the car and when Shawn reached me he immediately reached for my hand. When our hands touched, I felt sparks shoot through me yet I felt safe and warm at the same time. Shawn always makes me feel safe. We walked inside and the restaurant looked beautiful yet casual. I looked around.
"Do you like it?" Shawn asked. I nodded.
"I love it." I said with a smile. Shawn and I were soon seated. We both ordered spaghetti.
"You know, you look absolutely beautiful tonight my love." He said, causing me to blush again. He chuckled.
"Thank you. You look quite handsome." I said. Shawn blushed.
"I've missed our date nights." Shawn said. I nodded as I took a bite.
"Me too." I said once I had finished chewing.
"This is nice. Really nice." Shawn said.
"It is." I said. We talked throughout our dinner, when Shawn suddenly frowned as he looked out the window.
"Shit." He said under his breath.
"What?" I asked. He pointed towards the window.
"Look." He said. I looked out the window. Someone must have notified the paparazzi that we were here. Are you freaking kidding me? I have anxiety, and it immediately started to kick in. I looked at Shawn.
"What do we do?" I asked.
"We're okay baby, we're okay." He said, reaching out for my hand. I held his hand and squeezed. "We're okay. Is your anxiety acting up?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yeah." I said. He looked sad and concerned, I could see it in his eyes. "Sorry to worry you." I said.
"No baby, don't worry. You're fine. We do have to leave through the front door since the car is out there but I want you to hold my hand the whole time that we're out there, okay?" He said and asked. I nodded.
"Okay." I said.
"Let's just try and enjoy our dinner for right now." Shawn said. Welp, that was going to be hard. I nodded but played with my food. I could feel Shawn's eyes on me. "Baby please eat. I know that you're worried but everything is going to be okay." He said. I nodded.
"Okay. It's just, I can feel my anxiety getting worse. Do you think that we could get this food to go please?" I said and asked. Shawn nodded.
"Sure." He said as he called the waiter over. "Can we have two to go boxes please?" He asked. The waiter nodded.
"Of course. Sorry that they're out there. Is there anything that we can do?" The waiter asked. Shawn shook his head.
"No. Thank you though." Shawn said. We got our to go boxes as my anxiety only increased. I could feel the anxiety attack coming on.
"Shawn." I whimpered.
"I know honey, I know. Hold my hand and don't let go, okay?" Shawn said and asked. I nodded.
"Okay. I promise that I won't." I said. Shawn nodded and held my hand as we headed out the door. Again, as our hands touched, I felt the sparks yet I felt safe and warm. The feeling of safety calmed my anxiety, but only a little bit. I squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.
"SHAWN! SHAWN! IS THERE TROUBLE IN PARADISE?" One paparazzo yelled.
"SHAWN! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO POP THE QUESTION?" Another yelled.
"SHAWN! ARE YOU AND HAILEY BALDWIN STILL FRIENDS?" Yet another yelled. I didn't like that one question. Hailey deleted the photos of her and Shawn that she had posted. I squeezed Shawn's hand - hard - and he squeezed back.
"You're okay." He whispered in my ear, yet I was anything but okay. It was as if I could feel my lungs collapsing in on me, I had shortness of breath, I had chest pain, I was sweating even though it was chilly out, basically what I'm trying to say is that I had all of the symptoms of an anxiety attack, and it was terrible.
We finally reached the car and got in. I used my purse to cover my face from the flashes of the cameras. I also wanted to do that so they couldn't see my tears. Those three questions that they asked bothered me. Shawn and I have talked about marriage but he obviously hasn't popped the question yet or else I would have a ring on my finger. The Hailey Baldwin question bothered me, and the first question, asking if there was in trouble in paradise? Did they even see us? Shawn and I had been holding hands and my other hand was wrapped around his arm. Did they see him whisper in my ear? Did they see how close we were to each other?
"You okay baby? You look like you're going to cry." Shawn asked and said. I shook my head, knowing that if I spoke, I would cry. "I'm going to honk so they get out of my way, okay?" He asked. I nodded. He honked and they moved a little, enough so Shawn could drive away.
We soon walked in the door to his place and I bursted into tears. Shawn held me as I cried while sitting on his couch.
"You're okay baby, you're okay. How's your anxiety?" He asked. I shook my head.
"It's so bad Shawn, even though we're away from them. How did they even find us?" I said and asked. Shawn shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know baby. Someone probably called them." He said. I nodded. "Can you take a deep breath in for me, and then let it out after a few seconds?" He asked. I nodded again.
"Yeah." I said, and did as told.
"Good job babe. Now, I want you to keep doing that, okay?" He said and asked. I nodded.
"Okay." I said. I continued to take deep breaths for a few minutes, which calmed me down, and I stopped crying after a little bit.
"Here, come sit on my lap." Shawn said. I did as told and put my bum on his lap. He started to rub my back.
"You rubbing my back feels nice." I said.
"Yeah? Want me to keep doing it?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yes please." I said.
"My girl is so polite." He said with a smile. I giggled for the first time in what felt like hours.
"I try." I said.
"Well, you do a good job." Shawn said.
"You know, you're very polite too." I said.
"Well thank you." Shawn said.
"You're welcome." I said.
"How are you feeling?" Shawn asked me.
"A lot better. The anxiety is almost gone." I said. Shawn nodded.
"But it's still there?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yes but only a little bit. Can we go to bed please?" I said and asked. Shawn thought for a moment before shaking his head.
"I don't want you to go to bed anxious." Shawn said.
"But I could always just sleep it away." I said.
"Yes but that's not healthy." Shawn said. I nodded.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you too darling. Remember how they asked when I'm going to pop the question?" Shawn asked. I bit my lower lip and nodded.
"Yeah." I said.
"Well maybe I'll do it in a year or so. That sound good?" Shawn said and asked. I nodded.
"That sounds perfect my love." I said. Shawn smiled at me and gently kissed my lips.
"God I love your lips." Shawn said, causing me to giggle. I rested my forehead against his, causing Shawn's smile to widen.
"God I love yours." I said. He kissed my lips gently once again. "I love your kisses. I want more of them." I said, causing Shawn chuckle.
"Then you'll get more." Shawn said. We kept kissing, but they were gentle kisses filled with love, not lust. Shawn knows that I'm waiting for marriage before I have sex, and he's loyal to me. We pulled away. Shawn looked at me with so much love and adoration in his eyes, I loved it.
"I'm in love with you." I said.
"Good because I'm in love with you too." Shawn said. "How's your anxiety?" He asked.
"Gone." I said with a smile.
"Good. Do you want to go to bed now?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yes. Can we cuddle?" I asked. Shawn chuckled and nodded.
"Baby, we can always cuddle." Shawn said. I smiled and we went to bed.
"Thank you for helping to take my anxiety away." I said as we cuddled up to each other, now in our pajamas.
"You're welcome my love. Goodnight baby, I love you." He said before kissing my forehead.
"Goodnight, I love you too." I said, and with that, we fell asleep.