Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Part 24 - I messed up

Glimpsing her eyes over to the opposite side of the room, Juliet noticed doors out to a balcony. She immediately recognised the exquisite scene from a few of Sophie's photos. It looked down on the busy streets of New York City and had been a crucial brainstorming spot for Sophie when felt like she was losing her creative spark.

However, that wasn't what had originally caught Juliet's attention and instead, she had noticed a figure who had promised never to step foot in this building again.

He was stood in silence, letting every memory and thought consume his clouded mind, with nothing but guilt overpowering him. Losing her the first time was hard enough but losing her for good caused a pain he couldn't even begin to describe.

"Todd..." Juliet muttered as she made her way over to him.

She didn't want to make him jump but she was in complete shock to see him standing there.

Todd didn't make any attempt to turn around and instead just waited for her to approach him.

"What are you doing here?"

There were so many questions Juliet had for him but that seemed the best way to start. Sophie and Todd had been together and so happy when Sophie had first moved to New York. However, that had all changed very quickly, and Juliet still wasn't sure what had happened between them.

All she knew was that Todd had done what he always done best and disappeared, leaving everyone wondering where he had gone off to.

"I could say the same for you." He replied, a cold and harsh tone to his voice. "I didn't think you ever left Brighton."

Juliet decided to ignore the harsh tone to his voice. She knew he would do anything to push her away at this point. He would be pushing every single person away who tried to get him to open up at this point. She understood.

"Jace gave me a key. I wanted to come and look around." Juliet began, not jumping in to the questions she really wanted to ask him. "I guess I just felt like this would make me feel closer to Sophie. I know that sounds kind of silly but it feels right."

Todd didn't respond. He barely even moved as his eyes remained fixated on the city ahead of him.

"I didn't realise you still worked here." Juliet continued, purposely making a comment in hope of getting some truth out of him.

Todd was much like Matt without even realising it. When something was bothering them, or they were upset, they would shut everyone out and push them away. They would hurt other people, just so they wouldn't get close enough to find out what was truly going on.

"I don't." Was Todd's simple and abrupt response.

Lifting his cigarette up to his mouth, Todd inhaled before exhaling the smoke a few moments later into the bitter air.

"Did you feel the same as me?"

Todd finally turned to look at Juliet for the first time, yet he actually had a smile across his face. It wasn't a genuine smile though, it was full of anger and frustration. He was looking at her as though she was stupid.

"Do I feel like coming here is going to bring me closer to Sophie?" He asked, without giving Juliet chance to confirm that it was what she meant. "Of course I fucking don't. She is laying in a hospital bed, practically dead. I couldn't be any further away from her while standing here."

Those words hit Juliet hard. Not only due to the harsh tone in Todd's voice but also due to the truth he had highlighted. While she was here to fill herself with some kind of hope, Todd had just knocked the reality of everything into her.

Although it was harsh, he was right. Coming here wasn't going to bring Sophie back to them. If anything, this was more of a goodbye. This wasn't a place to provide any kind of comfort, this place was only filled with the ghost of Sophie.

It was a reminder that she'd never be stepping foot into this building again. She would never be bringing her passion and creativity to life within these walls. No one would ever be able to admire and enjoy her talents. Instead, this beautiful place would gather dust and lose the heart and life that had previously been held inside.

"So, why are you here?" Juliet finally recollected herself, holding back the tears that were forming in her eyes. "You two broke up. You seemed to just disappear out of the picture."

Taking another puff from the cigarette, Todd took his time in carefully exhaling the smoke before stubbing the cigarette out and throwing it off the balcony.

"I moved back to London." Todd answered simply, and it was so frustrating for Juliet having to force this information out of him.

"Because of your break up?"

"Yeah, so I got my old job back."

"But you worked for Sophie? Surely that was the perfect situation to be in. What went wrong?"

It was obvious that Todd was getting frustrated. His whole body was tensing up, yet he was also doing everything to keep himself composed. He knew lashing out on Juliet wasn't going to solve anything. It wasn't her fault. None of this was. She was just as lost and confused as he was.

"I messed up."

"What did you do?"

Juliet knew that when it came to Todd, Sophie put up with a lot. She had given him so many chances and had always been the one to drag him out of the messy situations he got himself into. This must have been bad to cause an end to them.

"I rejoined a gang." Todd answered simply, and Juliet felt her stomach drop. "I got caught up with a few people I used to know here in New York. I made a mistake."

It was clearly not that simple. One mistake wouldn't have thrown Sophie over the edge. It would have hurt, yes, but it wouldn't have meant the end of them.

"I threw away working in a job I loved." Todd continued. "I threw away working with a girl I loved for the sake of a gang. For people who had screwed me over again and again. For a lifestyle that had nearly killed me one too many times before."

Juliet was sure that she heard a break in Todd's voice at that point. He wanted to cry. She knew it, and that managed to break her own heart even more.

"Did she end it, or did you leave her?" Juliet asked, attempting to keep her voice soft and unjudgmental. She knew he already felt guilty enough.

"She ended it but not straight away."

"She gave you another chance?"

"Of course she did. She was always giving me second chances. I took it for granted. She was everything I had ever wanted. She was the light in so much darkness. She was the angel in the hell that I had always lived in. Her smile made every single day worth living... but I fucked it up."

 to be continued...

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