Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 118

Lauren was watching Jay intently while he spoke. There had always been something that made him so difficult to figure out but this piece of news was most definitely not it.

"Did Juliet tell you about the whole gang thing?"

"Yeah." Lauren nodded, still not fully understanding it but having everything make a bit more sense now.

She thought he worked night shifts somewhere and not that he was some full time gang member, so it had been a little surprising.

"I'm shocked you're still here then." He chuckled, trying to make light of the situation and seeing a smile spread across her face.

"I heard that gangs are full of horrible, scary men and women who don't care about anyone but that doesn't fit your personality." Lauren began and reached up to run her hand down the side of her cheek. "Therefore, none of this makes sense to me. However, it makes me feel a little bit better knowing that everything I heard was shit and there are some good ones out there."

The fact that Lauren had just suggested that Jay was 'one of the good ones' was such a strange feeling for him. Jay had never seen himself that way and had actually looked at it the opposite. He had always felt so heartless and cruel in everything he did. He had never ever seen himself as having a good side to his personality and it was one more piece of evidence of how blind he was to what he meant to everyone.

"Why do you do it though? Why would you want that sort of lifestyle that puts yourself in danger daily?"

"It's a long story." Jay shrugged his shoulders, not really wanting to go into it but it was clear Lauren did. To fully accept this she needed to understand it so she wanted explanations.

"Tell me."

Sighing, Jay shifted uncomfortably as though the idea of thinking back to his past was a little daunting.

"I was born into a gang; my parents were already gang members so naturally I was involved. However, when I was younger they ended up selling me off to another gang because apparently I was too much to handle... which isn't so hard to believe." Jay chuckled causing Lauren to smile.

Even in this tense moment, he was trying to make her as calm as possible about it all. He didn't want her feeling sad for his fucked up past because he had gotten over it and it had shaped him into the man he was today.

"I've been doing dangerous shit since the moment I could walk so it honestly just feels normal to me."

"You did it as a child?" Lauren looked horrified.

"Yeah... it's just how it is when your parents are already in this life, they see it as normal too."

"And that's what you want to be doing? Even now that you're older and can make your own choices?"

Lauren was genuinely curious and confused that the man she saw Jay for would want to live like this. Yet to Jay, it was all he had known and therefore all he had ever wanted. However, little did she know that even though it was his life, meeting her had made him consider a few things that he had never considered before.

"If you'd asked me this a year ago I would have said yes." Jay began, running his hand down the length of her arms before their fingers connected. "But ask me now and I've honestly started to reconsider it."

"Really? Why?"

Sighing, this was the first time that Jay had been open and honest about this and part of him wished it hadn't been brought up due to the timing. He didn't want to be saying this now when he could no longer do anything to change it.

"Because since I met you, it's fucked with my head and made me realise that maybe I could live a more normal life, away from the gangs."

"You'd really want to do that?" Lauren probed, unbelieving after what Juliet had told her.

This gang was everything to Jay.

"Yeah... things are just getting shitter and I'm at an age now where I realise there's so much more to live for than some fucked up gang."

Jay felt so vulnerable as he spoke but it was honest and this was something that had been on his mind for a few months now.

"I would honestly drop this fucked up life for a normal one with you. You've completely changed my outlook on everything."

As Jay finished speaking, he could see the tears welling up in Lauren's eyes. She looked like she was about to cry yet was doing everything to force it back. Instead, she lifted both of her hands to his neck and urged his lips to hers.

There were so many strong emotions erupting in this moment, ones Jay and Lauren both felt like they had never experienced before. It was crazy how two complete opposites could come together and make a similar difference to one another's life.

Although Jay was fully experienced in the world of women, he was inexperienced in the world of love just as Lauren was. She had never been in a relationship, she had never experienced love before yet they both came together and provided that new experience for one another.

"Then let's do it." Lauren spoke as they pulled apart, sudden excitement bursting through her. "Let's get out of Brighton and go somewhere that it's safe. You no longer need to risk your life; you can experience the real world for the beautiful thing that it is."

"What?" Jay looked back at her in shock yet with excitement seeping through him too.

He couldn't shake the buzzing feeling at the idea of it. Getting out of this gang life right now suddenly felt more and more attractive coming from this woman sat in front of him.

"You can finally be safe, Jay."

Running his hand over his mouth, Jay was stunned for a moment as he wasn't quite sure what to say. There was so much temptation right now to just pack a bag and get out of here but there was also that part of him screaming that he couldn't, he had responsibilities and now was the worst time to quit.

But the thought of a life away from the gang, for the first time ever felt like a good idea. The idea of no longer having to constantly watch his back or worry about those he cared about getting hurt, was so refreshing.

"Lauren." He practically whispered, completely lost in the moment.

"Yeah?" She looked back at him with a smile that always managed to lift so many moods.

"I actually think I fucking love you."

Biting down on her lip as her smile grew bigger than she thought possible. There were so many emotions bubbling up inside of her that made her just want to scream. She had never felt like this in her life yet now she had thrown herself in the deep end with a man who lived an incredibly dangerous life. There was something about all the feelings buzzing through her that made it impossible to run away from, she just couldn't do it.

"I think I love you too, Jay... so much!" She grinned back before wrapping her arms around his chest as she was pulled into his body.

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