Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 99

Although it made all of this much easier, it made Jess fear he would fall back into pattern of the guy who first arrived back in Brighton. She had just got through to him and he was going to let go of his caring side so quickly after.

"Don't shut me out, okay? I still need you in my life." Jess insisted, desperate not to lose him like she had the last time.

"I won't." Jay replied, placing a kiss to her head before letting go.

This moment was a polar opposite to what it had felt like yesterday but it was because Jay was a closed book again. There was no guessing what he was truly thinking and there was no way he would open up again.

This was it. He was accepting Jess' decision and moving on. He was back to business; consuming his mind with the gang and the reason he came back to Brighton in the first place... to kill Buddy.

"I mean it. Don't you dare walk away from me and start acting cold again. That's not you and you know it." Jess was squeezing Jay's hand as she spoke, trying to make him realise she was serious.

She would do everything she possibly could to prevent him from falling back into the trap he struggled to get out of. She would do all she possibly could to keep his reckless gang life to a minimum no matter how hard he fort against it.

However, deep down she also knew that he wouldn't make it easy. That kiss meant the world to him and he had allowed his vulnerable side of appear for her sake. But now he had been shut down, he wasn't going to open up his heart again, he couldn't for his own sake and the sake of the gang. That was his priority once again so it was going to take a lot to bring back the softer side of Jay.

...

'Are you awake?' Was the message Jess sent to Jack later that night when she was home and in bed. Sophie had decided to stick around for the night as support, knowing what an emotional mess Jess had gotten herself into. Therefore, she had put Phoebe to sleep in Addie's room and she had stayed up with Jess for many more hours before she finally bucked up the courage to text Jack.

It wasn't even a matter of minutes later before her phone began ringing and it was him.

A wash of nerves run over her and she panicked about what she was going to say. She had been building up to this conversation with such guilt in her heart, hoping with everything in her that she would be forgiven.

"I'm awake." Jack said the moment Jess answered the phone.

It was strange because although he was obviously upset and cautious, he still tried to give a small perk to his voice.

"Are-" Jack began to say before Jess spoke over him.

"I'm so sorry Jack, so so sorry." Jess's voice was desperate as she was practically pleading with him.

She was absolutely terrified because she didn't know where this was going to go but more than anything she just wanted him here.

"I know this isn't practical and it would be better if we were face to face, but it will have to do for now." Jess began. "About last night... It was a mistake and should have never happened. You don't understand how shit I feel. It was just in the moment and-"

Jess took a break to try and force back the tears so she could speak. She owed Jack this apology and explanation and she wasn't going to stop until she gave it.

"I know you're mad and you have every right to be. I will never be able to forgive myself but I love you, more than anything in this world and nothing will change that. Of course I care about Jay, I always will but I don't love him like I love you. No one could replace you and that kiss proved that to me. I can't lose you; nothing feels right if I'm not with you."

After finishing her sentence, the tears began to fall. Jess had held them in that long but they just erupted the moment she finished her last word.

"Please don't cry." Was the first thing Jack said, complete sadness taking over his voice. "You'll make me want to come home."

There was silence for a moment while Jess tried to hold back the tears and Jack tried not to cry himself. It didn't matter what this was all about or how wrong Jess had been, Jack never liked to see her cry, it was his least favourite thing.

"I don't want you to leave me Jack." Jess pleaded when she was able to speak again. "It took what happened to make me realise how much I take you for granted. It's the whole 'the grass is greener on the other side' shit and now I realise that it's all bullshit. Nothing is better than being with you."

Jess was desperate at this point. She knew how much Jack disliked Jay and she knew she had really pushed it.

"I get it." Jack finally said, suddenly causing Jess to stop and listen, as she hadn't expected such a calm response.

"I'm hurt, so fucking hurt." He began." But I love you too much to let this ruin us."

Jess just stayed silent and listened. She didn't want to interrupt and just allowed Jack this time.

"We've been together 10 years, that's a long fucking time to be with the same person, so things are never going to be perfect. So I get it, I get why there was temptation. We're going to fuck up but I want you to realise that you did the worst thing you possibly could... I'd rather you had kissed some stranger in a club than him."

"I know, I know you can't stand him." Jess was practically whispering. "I never wanted to hurt you. Just please don't leave me."

"Jess." Jack interrupted her, trying to get her to stop taking. "You're stupid if you think I'm going to leave you. I'm pissed but I love you..."

Although he was speaking so genuinely, Jess could sense tiredness in Jack's voice. This had probably kept him up the previous night and then after a long day of work, he was exhausted.

"Just promise me it meant nothing and then I can move past it." It was now Jack's turn to plead, wanting nothing more than to have his wife back and not the Jess that seemed so easily trapped by Jay Gibson's ways.

"I promise, it meant nothing. You're not only my husband but my best friend too. I honestly could not imagine being without you." Jess felt her heart aching as she thought about what things would be truly like. "I've just been so used to you just being there that I took you and this marriage for granted. I was so stupid."

"That's all I wanted to hear." Jack replied as he laid back in bed and closed his eyes. He was so close to falling into unconsciousness; it was taking every effort in him to force himself to stay awake.

"I'm sorry... for everything and that we're having to do things this way." Jess replied, referring to being on the phone and not in person. This wasn't ideal at all.

"It's okay, I'll be home soon." Jack mumbled yet soon couldn't come soon enough. If it hadn't been difficult enough him being away already, the wait was going to feel like torture now.

"I love you, Jack Lawrence... more than you'll ever realise and I'm going to be forever sorry."

"And I love you." Jack responded as his voice trailed off into a whisper and after that moment, it did not take long for him to fall asleep while on the phone. After a stressful day he finally fell into a peaceful sleep, knowing the woman he loved was not about to leave him for another man.

**

sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry if this disappointed some people!! I have mixed feelings but Jack/Jess won this one!!

but keep an eye out on emma's blog (via her twitter badnewsfanfic) for an alternative ending spin off