Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 93

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"Why have you never been around?" Kian suddenly asked a question that caused Jack's heart to sink.

He was stunned on the spot for a moment as he wasn't sure what to say. How did he answer that? Carly had insisted he knew what was happening; he didn't expect to be answering this.

"Um..." He began, genuinely not sure where to start or how to explain.

"My friends at school all have their dads and I haven't... Or my mum, just Carly." Kian shrugged his shoulders and you could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Kian." Jack breathed, feeling sick with guilt. "Can we sit down for a minute?"

Kicking the ball off to the side, the eleven year old nodded before following him over to the side. As Jack sat down on the grass, Kian followed suit.

"It wasn't because I didn't want to be around." Jack began as he tried to figure out how best to explain this to an eleven year old. "Things were just a bit muddled. But I promise you'll be seeing loads more of me now if you want to."

"But you have a family already." Kian's comment broke Jack's heart even more. He didn't want him thinking that just because that was the case, he would be shut out or forgotten.

"Do you remember them?" Jack asked, trying to change it up and bring it to something a bit more hopeful.

Thinking about it for a moment, Kian then nodded his head.

"Kind of."

"Well I know that they will be excited to see you. Harvey likes football too now that he's older."

"Is he good?" Kian asked, showing genuine interest that filled Jack with some relief.

He knew things were not going to be simple but he wanted to make sure Kian did feel welcomed. He knew his kids would accept him in once they got to know him again and he hoped that Kian would be confident enough to let that happen.

"Yeah but he's younger than you so you could probably teach him some things."

A proud expression suddenly appeared across Kian's face at Jack's suggestion.

"I've never had a brother to teach things to." He replied.

It was incredible how easily Kian was taking to the concept of family and meeting his real dad.

However, Jack wasn't sure if he just hadn't quite processed what it all meant yet, he was young and confused and at the moment it was all very new and exciting. He had gone his whole life without a stable mother and had never had a father around therefore; finally getting one that showed he cared was a strange feeling for the little boy.

"He can be your new football partner then." Jack grinned as he watched the excitement fill his face at the thought of not playing alone anymore.

"That's cool. Will I see you next month then?"

Kian's question left Jack a bit confused for a moment, while the eleven year old was just watching him with hopeful eyes.

"Why in a month?"

"Like my mum." Kian responded as he played with the grass and it was then Jack realised where this was all coming from.

Carly had said that Jazmine saw Kian at weekends, but not every weekend, as she didn't tend to show up. Kian had obviously gotten used to only seeing her once a month and expected that to be the norm for parents and sons. He didn't realise that in a 'typical' family life, you'd see you parents every day and that they'd always be around when you needed them.

Kian had never experienced that kind of life.

"It doesn't have to be that long. We can see each other as much as you like, man." Jack smiled but he felt sick with sadness at what Kian had been through.

"Really?! Like whenever I like?"

The shock on the eleven year old's face was priceless, he genuinely did not believe that could be true.

"Yeah. Whenever you want. Carly has my number and you can call me off there." Jack reassured him, wanting him to realise that this wasn't a forced relationship like Jazmine gave him, Jack was his father and he would always be around.

"That's so cool!" He suddenly jumped to his feet, showing pure fascination at this whole concept. This was so alien to him. "Can we play football tomorrow?"

As Jack was just about to answer with an instant yes, he stopped himself and felt the guilt consume him. He was leaving for Cambridge later, he wasn't going to be around for 2 weeks and he'd just told Kian that he'd be there whenever he wanted.

"Er..." Jack began, not wanting to say the words and watch Kian's face fill with disappointment. He'd been filled with enough of it in his life, he most definitely did not need more. "I have to go away for work for a little while."

"Oh..." Kian's face dropped just as Jack had expected and what made it even more heart-breaking was that he looked as though he was about to cry.

"It's just two weeks though and after that, we can play football whenever you like." Jack tried to reassure him and lighten the mood once again but it didn't seem that hopeful.

"Okay." Kian forced a smile.

"I promise okay?"

Jack knew that he could make all the promises he liked but nothing was ever going to work out perfectly. He had four kids at home, another baby on the way and a wife he had to give a big portion of his attention to and that alone was already a lot. He wanted to be there for Kian and give him the same love he gave his children at home but that was going to take time.

He couldn't force him into family life because not only was it unfair on Kian, it was also unfair on Ellie, Harvey, Mia and Addie. They didn't know Kian well and they wouldn't understand the concept of sharing Jack with anyone other than each other.

Jack never thought something like this would happen to him and he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. He was an incredible dad to his children but it was going to take more than a few football games to build up a relationship with Kian.

It was all new for the both of them and it was going to take time to get to know one another. However, even though that was the case Jack was consumed with guilt for not being in this little boy's life so he wanted to put in all the effort her could to make it work.

"I will send you some photos when I'm away too. I'm going to be building a really cool garage with lots of cars." Jack beamed, trying to show some excitement and hoped that Kian would feel the same.

Harvey had picked up the trait of loving cars from his dad but that didn't mean Kian would automatically show the same enthusiasm. However, he just seemed happy that Jack wasn't going to forget about him while he was gone.

"Carly can send you photos of me getting better at football too." Kian showed the smile Jack had been hoping for.

It was clear that after years of not having his biological parents around, Kian wasn't looking for much from them. He just wanted to be loved and cared about and not forgotten. It wouldn't cost a thing to give this little boy exactly what he was looking for in Jack and that was a heart-warming thought.

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