Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 91

"Nothing." Sophie began shaking her head, trying to move the conversation along.

"Where did that come from, Soph?" He stressed, clearly not prepared to drop it as she could have guessed.

There was silence among the pair for a moment while Sophie stared up at the ceiling, wishing she had just kept her mouth shut. The thoughts that had been buzzing through her mind weren't fresh nor were they triggered by anything in particular. Instead, they had been present since the moment she had been given the news by the doctor.

When she was told that it would be extremely difficult for her to ever have children of her own, she had been heartbroken. She had been completely torn to pieces due to something that should come so naturally to a woman, being ripped from her for no other reasons than bad luck.

However, even though it had been something to cause herself so much heartache, she had also been consumed with complete guilt that she hadn't spoken about. She had been dreading telling Aaron because she knew she would be tearing that chance away from him too.

Most men took so much love and pride in the experience of having their own children and being able to pass on their own genetics to a baby that they would love more than anything. However, due to Sophie's circumstances, Aaron had fallen into bad luck too and she would never stop feeling guilty about it.

"Soph." Aaron probed when she still stayed silent and it was then that she finally turned to look at him.

"It's nothing. I was just saying. You probably thought you'd have kids of your own... when it eventually happened."

Sophie was now trying to shrug the whole thing off as if what she had said was no big deal. She was trying to act as though there wasn't any deep emotions hidden under the façade but she truly failed.

"It doesn't matter how it happened, Phoebe's still our own."

"Yeah..." Sophie nodded before being unable to bite her tongue. "But I didn't carry or give birth to her. She has none of our genetics, no one is going to say to you 'wow, she has your eyes' or 'she definitely got that smile from you'. No one is going to say that Aaron because they can't. She can't have got anything off of you or me and it's fucking shit."

"Woah, woah, Soph." Aaron reached out to cup her face. "What has gotten into you? Where is this all coming from?"

He was genuinely concerned about the sudden outburst over the whole situation but hadn't realised that this wasn't a new issue for Sophie. It had always been eating at her, it just so happened that the conversation with Bella when they had visited Aaron's family had sparked it up once again.

She could feel broody all she liked. She could been desperate for another baby all she liked but she would never be able to react to that in the same way many people did. Instead of creating a new life through love that would be born with that familiar nose or smile, they had to go through endless of tedious papers and contracts until they could call a child their own. But even then it wasn't certain as liked they had learned today, a baby could be ripped straight from you with very little explanations.

"It must make you feel shit, come on? Your brother has children with his wife, your friends do. I bet you feel so fucking uncomfortable at work when Jack or Zaiden are talking about their kids or getting that first look at their baby and cutting the cord or whatever. You can admit it."

While Sophie was rambling off countless words, getting herself riled up over the situation, Aaron was just watching her in shock. This was most definitely not a conversation he had ever imagined having with her.

Sophie always tried to act as if she was tough and like the whole situation didn't bother her. They could adopt so why should she complain?

However, deep down it did bother her and deep down she knew it must bother Aaron too. There must be a part of him always wondering what that experience would be like but he never would get to experience it because he picked Sophie. He picked Sophie and fell in love with her before he knew what the consequences would be and now he was in too deep to get out.