Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 75

Running her thumb across the screen of her phone, a message popped up which she instantly ignored yet Jack could see exactly whom it was from.

"They want me to re-join the gang... just while this whole situation with Buddy is happening and even though I know it's a bad idea, it's also something I need to do." Jess began and you could hear the pain in her voice as she spoke. She hated the words she was letting fall from her lips but she also couldn't stop that maternal instinct inside of her with a need to protect this little boy. "The only way I can make sure Kian doesn't get hurt is if I get involved and take control of it myself."

Standing to his feet, Jack couldn't quite believe what he was hearing and looked back at Jess in a state of shock.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He spat, making his way over to push the door shut, not wanting anyone to hear. "Jess, you're insane."

"No, you just need to understand." She stressed, feeling as though this was the only thing she could do.

"I don't need to understand anything, Jess!" Jack bit back, aggravated that she seemed so delusional right now. Never did he think they would be having this conversation again after they had been through so much. "You can't join that gang again! Have you lost your mind?"

"I'm not doing this for myself, I need to do it because of Kian."

Jess was making complete sense to herself but Jack couldn't see it and it was only causing more angst between them.

"He's my nephew and potentially your son. I can't sit back and watch him get hurt."

"This isn't the only option. Joining the gang isn't going to fix anything. We can keep him safe without you putting yourself in danger too."

As voices were raised, the tension between the two of them was raising to an all-time high. It was just like the past repeating itself with this particular argument being one they would have experienced before when Jess had re-joined the gang to go to Vegas.

"You need to just trust me with this." Jess pleaded before her phone vibrated in her hand once again.

Taking it from her, Jack looked to the messages from Jay and realised that this conversation had already been started with him. He was praising the idea and trying to convince her that it was the right thing to do and Jack could not quite believe what he was reading.

"You can't seriously be buying this shit?" He held the phone out with the messages on the screen. "He's supposed to be your fucking friend but he's not thinking of your safety, he's being selfish and thinking of his own gain."

Jess reached out for the phone in Jack's hand but he pulled it away causing her to also stand to her feet.

"I'm not going to get hurt, Jack. They still have my back, I promise you." She placed her hands either side of his face to try to put some calmness into him but it wasn't working.

"If he had your back he would tell you no. The gang isn't good for you, it's just a pathway to death and you know that." Jack stressed, his argument now turning to desperation over anger. "You left for a reason; you can't walk straight back into that death trap, Jess."

"But I'm doing it for the right reasons. This isn't for a bit of fun like it used to be." Jess continued to try to convince him. "Trust me."

As Jess tried to pull Jack into her to yet again provide him with some comfort, he wouldn't accept it. He felt physically sick with fear over this whole conversation, having never thought they would ever have to have it again.

He thought the gang was in the past and that he wouldn't have to live in fear for his wife's life anymore but with the past coming back to haunt their present, he felt like he was living in a nightmare.

"Please don't do it, baby." He ran his hands through his hair in aggravation and the desperation in his voice was evident.

"Please just trust me." Jess tried once again to reassure him as she ran her thumb over his bottom lip. "I have to do this."

Jack dropped his head so it rested against Jess' forehead and she could hear his heavy breathing as everything else around them fell silent. Even though it was quiet, the atmosphere was painful with a mixture of fear and tension building up around them.

Neither of them truly knew what this could mean and even though she made out as if she had, Jess hadn't fully thought it through. However, what she did know was that she felt like it was her duty to look out for Kian and ensure he was safe. Whether he was Jack's son or not, he was her nephew and she didn't trust Jazmine's care of him, especially not with the Buddy situation about to go down.

When Jack's began lifting his head once again, he placed his full attention on the phone in front of him before typing out a response to the messages displayed before him.

"What are you doing?" Jess quickly asked as she noticed him begin typing letters.

She knew this was never going to go down well with him after everything that had happened but Jack picking an argument with Jay was only going to make matters worse.

Jack: Jess isn't going to join your fucking gang again so you can forget it.

Jay: nice to hear from you again, Jack Lawrence.

Jack: you know it isn't safe and if you cared about her like you claim you do, you wouldn't be persuading her to join.

Jay: she's always in good care with us.

Jack: bullshit. you are full of absolute bullshit.

Jay: you can't tell her what to do Jack Lawrence. She is a smart woman and good at what she does; she knows she is doing the right thing.

Jack: you are fucking delusional. the gang is her past and it nearly screwed up her life.

Jay: you need to learn to trust me a little bit more. Jess will always be one of us and I will always look out for her so she is in safe hands. Let her do what she wants to do.

Squeezing the phone tightly in his hand, Jack then threw it across the room and watched as it smashed against the wall. He couldn't describe the mixture of fear and anger running through him right now and he was on the verge to losing it.

He couldn't understand how Jay could just let this happen and not warn Jess away from it. She was going to be in danger and they all seemed to be completely blinded by it.

"What the hell Jack?" Jess yelled, looking to her smashed phone on the floor. "You need to calm down."

"Calm down?" He looked back at her as though she was crazy. "How am I supposed to calm down when you're telling me you're going to re-join the thing that nearly killed you many times."

Pausing on the spot, Jess didn't say anything as she just looked at Jack. She looked at him the way she had looked at him many times before when they were younger and it was in that moment that her body began shaking and she began to cry.

She didn't understand what was happening but everything felt completely out of control. She had finally got her life in order and to a normality where she felt safe, until the gang come walking back into her life again.

She felt the need to protect Kian and in her mind, this felt like the only way to do that. Even though none of the gang had seemed themselves, she still had trust in Jay and the genuine man he had always been. She trusted that he wouldn't let her get hurt but seeing Jack's lack of trust in him had her unstable.

"I can't lose you, Jess. You need to understand that." Jack reached out and pulled her into his arms as she continued to cry. "I understand that you want to protect Kian and so do I but this isn't the way."

As Jack's hand ran in motions across Jess' back, soothing the previous tension surrounding them she still couldn't remove the thoughts from hers and Jay's conversation.

She didn't believe that there was another way to look out for Kian and that made her so adamant that she needed to do this.

*

sorry it's been a while :)))

the past is repeating itself!