Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 60

That had resulted in Juliet being left alone to make her way back to the group and get caught up in their current crazy drinking antics. They had been doing this for the past hour so when she got to them, they were all beyond drunk and way past the ability of holding a rational conversation.

When sat amongst the crowd of them she suddenly felt extremely alone and out of place. She had befriended many of the individuals here when they first arrived but now that they had some alcohol in them, they didn't hold the same personalities.

They were much louder and forward that she felt extremely intimidated around them. They went from trying to force her into joining them and downing all the drinks they were passing her way, to completely ignoring she was even there.

In that moment, she felt completely sick. She couldn't shrug off the feeling of panic that was erupting inside of her as the pounding music was echoing around her and the voices of the drunk individuals were blurring into one.

Her heart was physically pounding against her chest as her body had a flash of heat rush over her creating a warmth in her cheeks.

She felt dizzy.

She felt sick.

Her body was physically shaking and she couldn't seem to get it to stop.

She felt alienated.

She felt as though she was no longer present in the room she was sat in.

Her hands were sweating.

Her head was pounding.

She just wanted to get out.

As she began to try to stand to her feet, her body seemed to have her held in the same position, forcing her to the leather she was sat on. She had to force herself with her shaking hands to stand up, finally getting into a position where she could finally begin to walk.

With each step, she felt an overwhelming sense of danger. She felt like she couldn't breathe; like if she continued she was just going to collapse.

But pushing past the many bodies she charged for the doors she had originally come in through. Charging past every being that got in her way, she finally got out into the fresh air, a feeling she had been desperately needing to fill her lungs.

Leaning back against the wall, she tried her hardest to take deep breaths and follow through with the breathing techniques she had been taught but the overwhelming dizziness made her body slip to the floor.

Sitting down on the cold ground, she pulled her legs into her as her head rested on top and then she began to cry.

She sat there and sobbed for what felt like hours, but was actually only a matter of minutes before the pure panic started to decrease and instead she just felt exhausted and deflated.

As she took one last breath to try to calm herself, a hand was placed on her shoulder causing her body to jolt in fear. Lifting her head, she looked up to see Sophie stood there, cautiously looking down at her through worry and reluctance.

After what Juliet had just seen happening between Sophie and her brother and after everything the two friends had been through, Juliet hadn't expected Sophie to be the one to approach her. However, after seeing her charging out the doors and instantly knowing what it was likely due to, she had followed.

"It's okay." Sophie's hand was placed on Juliet's as she sat down beside her. "It's okay, you're safe."

Juliet's chest was still rising and falling but she looked tiredly back at Sophie.

"I feel so stupid." She sighed, looking down to the hand placed on her own. "That hasn't happened in so long. I had it all under control and now I've failed myself! I'm such an idiot!"

Juliet felt a sense of hurt and hatred for herself over what had happened. She had finally reached a point where her panic attacks were under control, where she had finally learned to deal with them and hadn't experienced one in so many months.

However, now she felt like a failure. She felt useless, upset and embarrassed after going through it once again.

"No. Don't say that." Sophie began to protest and she squeezed her hand. "You haven't failed yourself at all. Yes, you haven't had one in ages but you should be proud that you've lasted this long. That's incredible."

As she continued to cry, Juliet began continuously trying to wipe the tears that were falling down her face.

"It was just that atmosphere. I hated it. I felt so consumed and belittled by everyone."

When surrounded by alcohol and drunk people, it leads to Juliet feeling extremely uncomfortable. She hated being around people who had no control over their actions due to the alcohol they filled their bodies with and it lead to pure panic to rush over her.

It was one of the places the panic attacks were triggered, leading to a repetitive cycle that made her just want to avoid them all together.

"But you coped, Juliet. You got through it."

Juliet was nodding her head but Sophie could see she wasn't convinced. She couldn't help but feel stupid and embarrassed, she was absolutely mortified.

"I just wish I was normal. I wish that didn't happen and I could be like everyone else."

"Hey." Sophie instantly brought her to a stop, refusing to let her say anymore. "Don't say that. You don't need to change for anything."

Sophie knew how much the anxiety had brought Juliet down for years and that the continuous battle with it had been difficult. However, she didn't want her feeling as though she was defeated by it. It didn't matter if they were not on the best of terms, she couldn't let her sit here and fill herself with criticism over the minor relapse.

"You can't expect yourself to do so much at once. You will get through it and you will get over it but you have to take baby steps. It's been months since you had one like you said, all you're doing is getting better at fighting them. You should be so proud of yourself."

Sophie's reassuring words were followed with open arms as she pulled Juliet into a hug. As she held her tightly to her body, there was such a strange atmosphere between the two of them. Their constant arguing had led to things being weird and tense but in this moment, it was reassuring for Juliet to have someone who understood her.

"Thank you..." Juliet trailed off as they pulled apart. "I'm sorry."

Pulling them both back to their feet, Sophie gave Juliet's hand one last squeeze before pulling away and looking over to the taxi that was waiting for her.

She was obviously heading home to speak to Aaron and had caught sight of Juliet before she was able to leave.

"Go back and enjoy the rest of your night. Don't let them try and pressure you into drinks, just go and find Jess... she's obviously not drinking." Sophie gave her one last smile before turning around and walking away.

As much as Juliet did want to go back in and enjoy her night, the previous state she had got herself in had made her feel exhausted. She felt deflated, defeated, and couldn't bring herself to head back inside.

Even though she knew what Sophie had said was right, she still felt embarrassed and she still felt stupid for letting the panic take over her once again.

She'd come here tonight hoping to get over her fear but now she was unsure if she had really done that.

**

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