With the darkness now falling on New York city, the lights from the surrounding buildings looked like an array of stars lighting the sky. Central park remained busy with the hustle and bustle of tourists visiting the city at it's most beautiful, making the most of the festivities this time of year brought.
With Christmas fast approaching, Sophie and Felix were keeping to tradition and making the most of the ice rink located on the east side of central park. Each year they came along with Mitch, Jace and a few of their friends, to spark that childlike excitement in them all once again.
This evening was one Sophie always appreciated as it brought her so much happiness and contentment. There was nothing like gliding across the ice with a man and friends she loved, while having the beautiful sights of NYC right in front of her.
"So how long are you going for?" Felix asked as he took a seat beside Sophie on the bench and pulled the ice skates onto his feet.
"I don't know yet but I might be spending Christmas there." Sophie trailed off with an offish tone which was instantly picked up by her friend. He didn't need to be the most observant person in the world to realise how unsure she seemed about the idea.
"You always spend Christmas here though! You're just going to ditch this city at the best time?" Felix teased, purposely over exaggerating the situation yet knowing that it was probably how she was truthfully feeling.
"Yeah, with Jace's family. I need to spend it with my own for once... and he wants to visit Brighton anyway, so it makes sense."
"Well by the sounds of it, you don't really want to."
As Felix raised his eyebrows in a knowing manner, Sophie couldn't help but smile. While she had been trying to act subtle about it and appear more placid on the matter, Felix had picked up on the truth and wasn't scared to say it out loud.
"I do want to go back but I don't know... I don't speak to any of my old friends there and I don't even know how I would face them." Sophie muttered, finally being truthful about what was bothering her.
Jace was fully aware that Sophie didn't speak to any of them now however, in his mind, that shouldn't matter. They were all adults and if they bumped into each other then they should just be civil. However, he also wasn't quite aware of the drama that come along with Brighton and how much shutting it out of her life had impacted Sophie in the best way.
"What happened with your old friends?" Kacy suddenly leaned around Felix to get a better look at her friend.
Kacy was one of Sophie's first friends since moving back to New York. She had lived in the apartment across the hall and due to the amount of times they had bumped into each other, their friendship was always destined to blossom.
"Yeah, why has it made it so awkward?" Felix added as he looked across at Mitch, who was engrossed in conversation with Jace and his friends.
There was so much laughter among the group however, Felix immediately noticed how Jace's eyes soon drifted over in Sophie's direction. He was watching her in pure admiration, as though he had seen her for the first time.
As her bestfriend, Felix couldn't feel more grateful that Sophie had met someone who had loved her and treated her like she needed and deserved. He had brought out a very different side to her that had been hiding away due to the inner frustrations she had spent years fighting against.
"It was kind of stupid but it was all to do with Aaron..." Sophie began, letting out a long sigh, as all the memories came flooding back from a particular conversation.
It was definitely something that could have been prevented however, at the same time it would have been at the cost of Sophie's own security in herself.
"My friends are all friends with him, which is fine, but when I first moved here, he and I just argued all of the time whenever we had any contact."
"No change there then." Felix teased causing Sophie to roll her eyes.
He was right but admitting that brought back all of the memories she had worked so hard to bury over the past few years.
"What did you argue about?" Kacy asked and that question alone was enough to ignite that sickening feeling in her stomach.
By blocking out her past life, Sophie had managed to pretend that none of it had happened. She had been able to start fresh here in New York while remaining in her new-found happy bubble. Repressing everything may not have been the best method but it had been what worked best for her and that was all that mattered.
"We mainly argued about how we were parenting the kids. Our situation wasn't practical with the distance and he didn't agree with it. There would be times when Amiya got worked up with all the travelling, so I would keep her here with me when the kids went back to Brighton. He'd just get angry and shout so I hated talking to him." Sophie continued while reliving those moments in her head.
She knew that certain things they had argued about had been her fault however, they weren't just her fault. They were both equally to blame for a lot of it but they were both too stubborn to figure it out.
"... so one day I had a Skype call with my friends, where I was just venting about him and our arguments." Sophie explained, in regards to Jess and Juliet. "But then that night, I saw photos on their Instagrams of them out for dinner and drinks with their husbands, and Aaron was there too. It's stupid as he's their friend too but I got really mad."
"Did it feel like they were going behind your back?" Kacey asked and Sophie nodded her head, even though she hated to admit it.
"I started to get paranoid that they'd tell him everything I said or that maybe they'd taken his side and weren't telling me. That was the first time in my whole life that I had felt that insecure."
"Did you speak to them about it?"
"Yeah, which just caused more arguments between us. I don't know, I guess the whole situation reminded me of how toxic Brighton was with the drama and how you couldn't escape it."
"Did you just stop speaking to them after that?" Kacey probed, knowing she was pushing Sophie but also knowing that by making her speak about it, it may help to release some of her worries about going back to Brighton.
"Not right away..." Sophie muttered. "I tried to keep things as normal as possible but I couldn't. I was always on edge and felt like I couldn't trust them. So I just started to shut Brighton out all together, it was so much easier that way."
"But what about you and Aaron? You must still talk because of the kids?"
Sophie immediately began shaking her head, as though that question was completely insane. Although Felix was a little more aware of her situation than Kacey, he hadn't quite realised it was that bad.
"Barely. There's not point in us talking, we just end up arguing. I organise everything through my dad. It's stupid and petty I know but until we can talk without it turning into an argument, it's the only thing that works."
"Does that really work though?" Felix asked and Sophie looked back at him with an expression that highlighted how out of control she felt.
It didn't work. It was causing more hassle than anything else but by blocking out any of those issues, Sophie's was able to keep her own mind at peace.
That was exactly what she wanted to do tonight as well. As much as she appreciated her friend's concerns, this evening was about them all having a good time. Therefore, before anyone else got chance to ask more questions, their group of friends began heading their way and saved Sophie from an even bigger reality check.
Instead, she could momentarily go back to acting like that part of her life never existed as her husband's hand was held out towards her.
"You okay?" He asked with concern laced in his voice. He had clearly noticed that look on Sophie's face; displaying the pain due to reliving the past.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I can't wait to get back on that ice!" Sophie grinned up at him, as she placed her hand into his and let Jace guide her to her feet.
This ice rink didn't only hold memories due to their annual Christmas trip as a group, it also held a much more personal memory for both Sophie and Jace. It had been the place the pair of them had both met and also the place that Jace had proposed.
That cold and frosty evening when he had risked all feeling in his knee to ask for her hand in marriage, was the reason that Sophie didn't want anything to ruin tonight. It was special; it would always be special.
"After you then, baby." Jace swept his hand towards the entrance, where the stretch of ice awaited.
"You better keep up." Sophie teased, as she let go of his hand and took off to find her balance on the slippery surface.
Following her lead, Jace noticed that challenging glimmer in his wife's eyes as he then realised how serious she was being. They could have skated around here hand in hand to soak up this given romantic scene however, she was taking a very different approach.
Being just as competitive, Jace was well and truly up for this game, resulting in him holding three fingers up towards her.
"When I count down to one, I'll race you to the other side." He announced while already getting himself into position.
"Okay! The loser pays for our honeymoon." Sophie smiled back at him, with her own competitive streak shining through.
As her gaze fixated on him, Jace found himself lost for a moment in the sight before him. He felt like he could physically feel the happiness and excitement radiating off of Sophie, causing things to suddenly make no sense.
Jace couldn't understand what could possibly be causing her so much fear and concern about heading back to Brighton. He didn't know what she was so afraid of him seeing.
He knew Sophie was fearing her past and what may be presented to him however, he didn't know how to reassure her than nothing could change the way he felt.
Whatever had happened in Brighton didn't matter to him. Whoever she was in Brighton, wouldn't faze him in the slightest. He had married her for the person she was now. The person that had been shaped by those past experiences, no matter how terrible she may think they were.
All Jace ever wanted was for Sophie to be happy however, he couldn't help but feel like she needed to go backwards to finally set herself free for good.
He knew living in New York was where she was most happiest, she had told him that so many times. However, Jace also knew that she needed to be at peace with her old life in Brighton before she could fully enjoy her new life here with the people she loved.
-
New York may be her home now but Brighton would always be significant in the creation of the woman she had become.
**