Kpop Imagines {Completed}

AOA: Chanmi- It's My Fault

WARNING: There are triggers in this imagine!!! Read at your own risk.
People unable to stomach gross things, I wouldn't read this. I started getting nauseous myself just writing it.
(Y/f/n)- Your full name
~~~
After the car accident, you were never the same. You completely transformed from a happy, married person to a depressed, single one. All because of the drunk driver that hit Chanmi's passenger's side of the car on the way back from your 3-year anniversary dinner.
The car rolled multiple times before hitting a tree, but paramedics say that she was dead even before the car rolled. They said that you were lucky to be alive, and you have to repeat that everyday because if you don't, you would join Chanmi in a heartbeat.
After healing from your injuries, you went home to an empty house. And after a lot of coaxing from your friends, you were going to sort through her things and throw away what wasn't important.
They made it seem so simple, acting like once her stuff was gone, you'd be back to normal.
But they would never understand, you loved her, while your friends aren't even dating, they would never understand losing the one person they love, and having to continue their life without her or him.
There were days where you would wake up and look to your left, then realize that Chanmi's not there and she would never be again. The pain would be unbearable, and this would happen almost every day since the accident. Some days were worse than others, where you'd be unable to even get out of bed and one of your friends would literally have to force feed you because all you wanted to do was lay there.
Two months after the accident, you went to a nearby bridge and tried to end your life. A jogger that was passing by, tried to coax you down, but when that didn't work, he grabbed your shirt and pulled you off of the railing. While the jogger had you pinned down, he grabbed your phone and called your parents.
You ended up in a mental institution until your therapists were sure that weren't going to kill or harm yourself.
You were currently upstairs in your once-shared bedroom, sorting through her things that were in the closet. You looked through scrapbooks she put together of your relationship, cute couple items you bought when you were out on dates.
Then you stumble across a unlabeled, dusty DVD, pressed in between on of the pages of a scrapbook.
Being your curious self, you walk downstairs and clean the dust off of it before putting it in the DVD player.
The TV turns on and Chanmi's nervous face pops up on screen.
Once she realizes that the camera's rolling, she smiles and takes a deep breath.
It immediately becomes harder to breath as she smiles and shuffles some cards that were in her hands.
She starts speaking and those familiar words hit you like bricks.
"I know that the girl proposing isn't exactly how's it's told in the children's books, but we both know you're too shy to make the first move." She mumbles.
You let out a choked sob as she groans in frustration.
"That's not it." She sighs before starting again.
"I know that the girl proposing isn't exactly how's it's told in the children's books, but we both know you're too shy to make the first move." She says it more confidently and smiles teasingly after her statement.
A tear leaks out of your eye as she continues.
"I have loved you since our first date and I know it's cliché, but when you first walked in those restaurant doors looking for your blind date, I could just tell that you were the one for me." She shifts slightly and sets the cards down. "When you first made eye-contact with me after hiding behind the menu for the past five minutes, I only wanted to look in those eyes." She laughs slightly and your heartache comes rushing back at the action. "When we first kissed, I only wanted your lips to kiss mine."
By now, tears are streaming down your face even as a huge grin is on your face. "I-I hope you feel the same, because if not this is going to be really awkward." She takes a deep breath and you move forward so your face is basically pressed against the TV, you sniffle as you trace her features.
"(Y/f/n), I love you so much. Will you marry me?"
"Y-yes." You sob, reaching down and twisting the matching wedding ring that's still on your finger.
"Wish me luck." She giggles right before she shuts off the camera.
"Chanmi, mian. Mianhae." You cry, curling into a tight ball in front of the TV. "I couldn't protect you, it's all my fault! Mianhae." You whisper, feeling like a thousand tiny needles are pressed into your heart.
You grab the remote and rewind it.
"I love you so much." She repeats, smiling happily as the weight of her unknown future looms over her.
"It's my fault." You whisper.
You stand up, suddenly needing to do something, something that needed to happen a long time ago.
You walk to your bathroom and pull out bottles of pills. You neatly line them up and read the labels. "Aspirin, depression meds..." You grab the bottle of depression medication and pop open the lid. You pour the contents into your hand and count a total of eight pills. "That should be enough." You mumble to yourself.
You pour a glass of water and one by one, swallow the pills.
Around the 4th or 5th pill, you feel the glass of water slip out of your hand and smash onto the ground. You feel the cold liquid surround your feet just before you collapse to the floor.
You start hyperventilating, unable to get any oxygen into your lungs and you can feel your organs slowly shut down.
You feel like you're about to throw up and turn to the side, just before you puke.
Once your body is rid of the pills, you slowly stand up and wipe your mouth. "I can't even kill myself correctly." You rasp to your reflection in the mirror. "I guess pills won't do it."
You bend down and pick up one of the bigger shards of glass and slowly bring it up to your arm. You start making deep, methodical cuts on your forearm, watching as the blood runs down your arm.
You make about 8 cuts on your left arm before switching to your right. You do the same amount of cuts on that arm then start feeling light-headed.
You collapse on the floor for the second time, knowing that this time, you won't be getting back up.
You lie on the ground for about five minutes before you gasp, feeling a horrible burning sensation in your chest, right before your vision goes black.
The last image in your mind before your heart stops completely, is Chanmi's smiling face.