Denial - a Breddy fanfic

166.

A nurse came over and handed Brett his pill, waiting for him to take it before smiling and moving to the next patient. Brett didn't move his eyes from the plate of warm lunch for a second. Some kind of sweet porridge he didn't want to eat. That he didn't deserve to eat.

"Brett, please talk to me," Eddy begged for probably the millionth time, putting his spoon back in the bowl. "Did I do something? What's wrong?"
Brett shook his head quietly, feeling even more silly for not saying anything.

"You didn't do anything. I'm sorry I made you feel like you did."
Eddy leaned over and places a hand gently on Brett's forearm, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Talk to me, love. What happened?"
Brett poked at the porridge with his spoon, feeling like a child.
"The voice came back because I didn't take the pill until lunch, and I guess it just kindof made me realize some stuff," Brett mumbled, taking the tiniest bite of his porridge. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. What did it say?" Eddy sounded like he had all the time in the world to listen to his problems, and Brett didn't feel like he deserved that. Why would he deserve that? An idiot who keeps listening to a voice in his head?

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," Brett mumbled, still with his eyes glued to his now cold porridge. "Don't worry about me."

"Brett, I do worry about you. You're my everything, and I want you to be okay."
Brett shook his head, leaning away from Eddy's touch.
"But I don't deserve that. Just stop pretending like I do, just kick me out of your life like you should. You deserve better than this, Eddy. You really do."

It felt like someone was punching Eddy in the stomach, making it hard to breathe. Every bit of confidence Eddy had at possibly being a good part of Brett's life crumbled to dust. His mind flashed back to how much of an idiot he had been for lying at the start of their relationship. Did he cause Brett's insecurities?
"I honestly don't think I do," Eddy's sighed. "I'm sorry I can't make you believe how much I love you."

Brett looked at Eddy, feeling conflicted. He wanted to believe Eddy, but he couldn't see the logic in his words. There was no reason for Eddy to love him. He had nothing to offer.
"I want to believe you, Eddy, but it doesn't make sense. There's nothing to love about me."

Eddy couldn't help but snort at the last part.
"Nothing to love? You're joking?" Eddy leaned over the table, grabbing a hold of Brett's hands. "Don't be silly, there's a million things to love about you."

A hint of a blush crept over Brett's cheeks, but he tried to brush it off.
"Like what? Being a crazy person who has to be cared for like an over emotional child? Amazing at ruining what could have been good times? Clingy?"

Eddy shrugged, still hold7ng Brett's hands in his.
"Honestly? I love those parts of you too, the Brett who cares so much he's willing to destroy himself to make it better for others. I just wish you knew you don't have to."

Brett processed what Eddy said for a few moments, feeling his thumb gently caress the back of his hands. It did kind of make sense, but at the same time not. Eddy was so perfect and he just wasn't.
"I just want to be good enough for you, Eddy, but I'm not tall and handsome or taking care of you, or treat you like you deserve," Brett sighed. "But I'm trying, I just..."

"I don't want tall and handsome, I want Brett Yang," Eddy said firmly, reaching an arm over the table to touch Brett's cheek with his fingertips. "I want you, with whatever faults you think you have. I'll take the full package, as long as it's you I get to marry in the spring, okay? As long as I get to marry you, Brett. "

Brett stared at him, feeling the warmth from Eddy's soft hand on his cheek. He was certain his cheeks were burning red hot. People around them were staring, but all he could see was Eddy's soft face in front of him.

"I don't understand why, but I'll just accept it. I'm sorry, Eddy. I love you," he whispered, and Eddy half stood up and pressed their lips together.