Denial - a Breddy fanfic

124.

Brett stared at the wall in front of him, but not really taking in what he was seeing. He looked calm, like he didn't care about anything in the world. The reality was that everything hurt so much he didn't know how to express it. He saw no way out of this, really. Sure, he could go to a therapist but then what? Eddy obviously didn't actually love him, seeing as he'd broken up with him not once, but twice. He was just one of Eddy's playthings, someone to entertain him until he found someone better.
He dug his nails into his underarm, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to leave angry red half circles in his skin. Of course Eddy would find someone better, someone mentally stable, someone actually musically talented, someone tall maybe. Eddy probably preferred tall people. Someone who didn't ruin every nice thing that could possibly happen, at the very least.

There was a knock on the door, but Brett didn't move. He knew Eddy's soft voice would lure him in again, fool him into thinking he actually mattered to anyone.
The door creaked open and Eddy peeked inside.
"Brett?" he asked weakly, but Brett didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence, not even turning to look at him.
"Brett, please, I'm sorry. I know I took it too far, I'm just so worried about you", he whispered, stepping into the room slowly. Brett's fingers dug deeper into his arm in an attempt to ignore Eddy. Even when Eddy sat down on the bed next to him he didn't even bat an eye. All he took in was the pale wall in front of him and the sharp sensation of his nails digging through his skin little by little until they broke through. A drop of blood ran down his arm, but he didn't even pay attention to it.

"I know it's no excuse, but... I just... I'm so tired Brett, 'cause it seems all I do is hurting you. You said that wasn't the case when we were in Norway, but..."
"Stop fucking playing around", Brett snarled through clenched teeth. He tried to be tough when he really wasn't. "You never loved me, you never will. I don't matter to you or anyone else."
Brett was shaking now, crying. Eddy desperately wanted to hug him and assure him he was wrong, but he felt paralyzed with guilt.
"How far did you intend to drag out the lie, Eddy? Just until you found someone better, or what?" Brett sounded betrayed, almost angry. Eddy was crying now, too, not sure what he could possibly do or say to convince Brett it hadn't been a lie, that he did in fact love him. "Nothing we ever did mattered to you, did it? I don't fucking matter to you. Wouldn't it have been so much easier if I just fucking died?"
Brett stood up, blood still running in thin streaks down his arm from where his nails had punctured his skin.
"Give me some more lies, please, I'm curious about how stupid you think I am", Brett cried, looking down at Eddy who was still sitting silently on Brett's bed. His lower lip was trembling and tears flowed like a river down his cheeks.

Eddy stood up quietly and wrapped his arms tightly around Brett, who stood frozen for a few seconds before trying weakly to push Eddy away with trembling hands.
"S... Stop... Stop that...", Brett whispered half-hearted, letting out a quiet sob after. Eddy just held him, trying his best not to break down completely himself.
"I just want you to be happy, Brett", Eddy mumbled, still not letting him go. "But I can't make you better on my own, no matter how much I want it. You have to help me."
Brett hid his face in Eddy's sweater and nodded quietly.
"If I get better, will you love me then?" Brett asked weakly, still with his face hidden in Eddy's sweater. His hands grabbed small fists of it just in case Eddy tried to run off, staining Eddy's sweater with blood as he did so. Eddy swallowed hard to stop himself from crying again.
"I do love you, Brett", he whispered as his voice failed him before leaning down to carefully kiss the top of his head. "I'd love the ring back, if you still want me. I completely understand if you don't, though." Eddy's voice broke at the realization that he might have ruined that halfway through the first sentence. Brett reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring, but hesitated for a second.
" Y... You don't have to wear it if you don't actually want to... I mean, I..." Brett began, but Eddy just took the ring from him and slid it onto his finger.
"Much better", he mumbled before taking Brett's hand. Brett looked up at him, feeling like an idiot for everything he said earlier. Eddy's soft voice had calmed him down, made him realize how silly it was to even consider that he wouldn't love him. It had lured him back in.
"I'm sorry I ever took it off, Brett. It was stupid, and I only did it because I thought it would help you. I'm so sorry."
Brett stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Eddy's cheek gently, half expecting to be pushed away.
"It's okay. Sorry for being so difficult to help, I just don't want to be a burden", Brett mumbled, trying to ignore the voice telling him tjathe was being a burden simply by being alive.
Eddy kissed his lips softly, placing his arms around him again.
"Let's start by finding you a therapist, yeah?, Eddy suggested, feeling Brett relax into his embrace.
"Okay", he mumbled despite feeling extremely nervous and anxious about it. "If you think that'll help."

//Hey y'all, this story lives on comments, and especially comments about what people think will happen or which parts they liked/jad a reaction to, so that's much appreciated! Thank you for reading so far! //