Denial - a Breddy fanfic

30.

The hotel room was nice, way too nice. It had a large bed, a seating group and best of all - a coffee machine. That would come in handy. The short walk from the end stop of the light rail to the hotel woke Brett up slightly, and he was packing away his clothes into a dresser at the end of the bed. They were staying for almost three weeks after all, and he didn't want to rummage around a suitcase whenever he needed something. He also did this to distract himself from his noisy mind.

Eddy didn't seem nearly as awake and excited, and had just thrown his suitcase onto a nearby table. He made himself comfortable in one of the chairs of the sitting group in their room facing the window. He watched Brett for some time in the reflection of the window before speaking.
"Brett?" he asked, causing him to pause his folding of a pair of underwear. Why would he fold those, anyway? He never did that at home.
"What?" he answered in a obviously fake upbeat tone. It was always so easy to hear when Brett lied. He had a method to tell, but telling Brett would probably be game over.
"Can we talk?" Eddy's voice was weak, and his hands were clammy. He needed to know what was happening, and was quite relieved when Brett put down what he was doing to come talk to him.

"What do you want to talk about?" Brett asked while going over to sit in the other chair, even though he knew the answer and dreaded it. He felt like he was thrown back into the time before Eddy knew how he felt.
"Just... us, you know." Eddy stared down at the bright orange carpet on the floor, forming a large circle of the sitting group. He didn't like having to talk about this. Brett just nodded as a reply, waiting for Eddy to start the difficult task.
"I... I worry about... you..." Eddy stammered out, not really wanting to talk about what he was thinking. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second to better think about how to formulate the sentence before continuing. "That maybe you don't... don't wa...want the... the physical part... of a relationship with... with me...a...and..." He trailed off, biting his lip, hoping Brett would just understand what he meant.
Brett didn't know what to reply, he wanted him not to worry, he wanted to feel amazing when Eddy held him tight. He just didn't feel it, even though it felt like he should be feeling it. All his emotions felt fuzzy, like they were wrapped in a thick woolen blanket.
"And that you don't want that b...because... well, because... because you don't think I am physically attractive? Which I can understand,  I'm not..."
"You're the most attractive person I know, Eddy, both your body and your personality", Brett interrupted sternly, but lovingly. He felt awful that this was causing Eddy to even consider something like that. "Don't ever think otherwise, please." Eddy's cheeks turned bright red and a small smile to play on his lips. The sincerity of Brett's voice was too much to not smile about, he loved getting compliments from Brett. Still, he didn't feel completely convinced. Except... he wasn't lying?
"There's just... I dunno, something wrong? I think? With my brain? It's telling me stuff again, that you're just using me and that you don't really love me, that... I don't know." Brett didn't know how to explain how he felt, or didn't feel, depending on how one chose to see it. He felt himself rambling, worrying about how this would seem to Eddy, worrying about hurting Eddy.
"I just don't... how can I explain it? It feels like someone's put a mute on my feelings? I truly want everything to be like before, when it felt like a thousand butterflies or something went beserk in my stomach when you touched me, you know?" Brett took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes in frustration.
"It's all just gone, and I have no idea why. I feel awful about it, which is the only thing I feel, really..."
They sat in silence while Eddy tried to think of an appropriate response to what he was being told. It was obvious to him that he needed help, but where they were at the moment that wasn't possible. The room had gone darker as the sun set outside and the street lights illuminated the view of the square outside. There were lamps to light, but neither of them really bothered to get up and light them. 

Eddy's mind were going back and forth from blaming himself for Brett's emotional state and just wanting to hug him and tell him all will be fine. 
"Come here", he mumbled to Brett and held his arms out, signalling for him to come sit in his lap. Brett obeyed and ended up resting his head halfway on Eddy's shoulder with his forehead against the taller's long neck. Brett liked sitting like this, but it didn't cause his heart to race or cheeks to turn pink like he felt like it should. It simply felt comfortable.
"I'll do anything to help you feel better, Bretty.", Eddy whispered while wrapping his long arms protectively around the smaller man in his lap.
"Anything."