Denial - a Breddy fanfic

79.

Mr Gardner had wanted to suggest a few improvements to Eddy's melodic part in the new piece neither of them had even attempted to pronounce the name of yet.
When he eventually got back to the wardrobe, he could tell Brett was deeply lost in what the voice in his head was telling him. It really broke his heart that he wasn't able to help him fight it more. He felt like a failure, not only as a boyfriend but as a best friend. He put his violin in its case an sat down next to Brett. He carefully snuck his arm around his waist and hugged him.
"Hey, what's going on?", he mumbled, letting Brett rest his head on his chest. He stroke some of his hair away from his forehead. "What are you thinking, Bretty?"

Brett didn't know what to reply. He felt like he was taking up too much space all the time with his talkative mind.
Heck yeah, Eddy was groped and you still managed to make it about you. What a joke of a boyfriend you are.
He didn't want to cry, though. He really felt like it, but forced himself to keep it in, pinching his arm hard out of Eddy's sight to cope with it.
"I'm fine", he lied, but Eddy knew better than to believe Brett's lies. He could also tell he was lying, but he didn't need that skill to know in this particular case.

"Why won't you let me in? Did I do something? In that case, I'm sorry", Eddy mumbled, still not releasing Brett from the hug. He carefully rubbed his hand slowly up and down Brett's back, trying to comfort him even though he had no idea what was going on.
"You didn't do anything, Eddy. It's me who keeps fucking stuff up. I'm sorry", he mumbled, but his voice broke into a whisper at the end. He felt his breath becoming shaky, and it was getting increasingly harder to keep the tears from flowing.
"Bretty love, you haven't done anything wrong, but what is it you think you've done, so we can clarify it?" Eddy said softly and leaning down to kiss the top of his head.

"I just... I'm doing it now, I'm always making everything about me, but I don't mean to it just..." He took his glasses off with the closest hand and wiped some tears with the back of his hand, moving slightly away from Eddy in the process. Eddy let him go, but still kept a hand resting on his arm.
"I don't see it like that", Eddy said, reaching out to wipe a stray tear from Brett's cheek. He hated seeing Brett cry, and since they'd started dating and become boyfriends it seemed to happen a lot. He tried not to make the connection, but it sort of connected itself. After the connection was made, though, he tried to ignore it.
"I mean... y...you was... the whole thing with Chris... and in the end, after the dinner, all I did was scare you and cry so you had to comfort ME? That was not how it was supposed to be, I mean..." he sniffled and wiped his tears before continuing. "I wanted to be there for you, but I ruined it like I always do. "
"Bretty, you're allowed to have emotions too. I know you got angry because you care, not because you wanted to scare me." He pulled Brett back into the hug. "Please believe me, Brett, I don't think you're making things about you."

Brett had said he believed him. He didn't though. He wanted Eddy not to worry, not to always have to comfort him. After what felt like forever, they had managed to let go of each other and pack their violins properly before heading out to grab some lunch before the concert.

They ended up at a pizza place at Eddy's wish, and ordered a pizza they could share. Eddy could tell Brett was completely out of it, but any time he asked what was wrong he insisted it was nothing. He knew it was likely he didn't do anything, but a tiny little voice in the back of Eddy's mind tried to tell him it was his fault. What could he do to help him, though, if he didn't want to say what was wrong?
"Hey, we should put something on our instagram story", Brett interrupted Eddy's train of thought and pulled out his phone.
"Are you sure you're feeling up to it?" Eddy asked, leaning over the table in their booth to touch his arm, but Brett just shrugged.
"Of course I am fine, come on." He found the record button on the instagram story and pressed.
"Hey Eddy", he said to the camera he held up so that both if them were in the frame. Neither of them noticed that Eddy's hand still was resting on Brett's arm in frame. "Tell us what we're up to right now." His upbeat tone felt fake to Eddy, but hopefully less so to the fans.
"Well", Eddy began in an equally fake upbeat tone. "We're currently grabbing pizza at a pizza place here in Bergen before our concert!"
"Yes, come to out concert, vikings! See ya there!"