Denial - a Breddy fanfic

45.

Brett didn't know what to respond. His head was spinning from learning this fact, and just the picture that appeared in his head made him sick. His Eddy, forced to... with... The guilt hit him hard. It was him who had let Eddy go with Chris when he had been in no position to make that descision himself. The responsibility was his.
"I... I'm sorry, Brett... I shouldn't have... drunk..." Eddy continued, but Brett didn't really understand a word of what he was saying anymore. Why was he apologizing, though? Brett felt the guilt eat him from the stomach and out. Several seconds passed before Brett even found the muscles of his face back.
"I... why are you apologizing, Eddy?" he eventually managed to make his mouth form, even though his voice didn't really obey him, breaking up at several points. Eddy's face was still resting heavily in Brett's hands. Brett noticed the trembling of his lower lip, the light pink streak on it. That hadn't been there before the party, and it surely hadn't showed up during the party either. Another ingredient was added in the potion that was Brett's emotions. Anger.

"Please don't be mad at me, Brett.. please, I'll do anything, I... I'm sorry..." Eddy rambled on, feeling Brett's anger radiate from him. It scared him to see the older man like that. Brett tried to calm himself, knowing Eddy could sense it, but no matter how hard he tried it still murred way down in his stomach along with the hint of guilt. For the most part he was angry at Chris, but also at himself. He should have looked after Eddy. He should have been there with him, making sure it didn't happen.
"I'm not mad at you, Eddy, I'm not..." He wanted to kiss him, just to prove it, but he was scared it would hurt him or make him panic again. "Please, let's go back to the hotel, Eddy. It'll be fine, I'll take care of you." A nervous glance over his shoulder towards the pavillion hinted to Brett that something was up with that place.
"Let's go around the park", he suggested, and Eddy nodded, following Brett's lead back to the hotel.

Eddy felt unsure of how to act like Brett now, not really sure he actually wasn't angry at him. He wanted to make it up to Brett, so he could feel okay again. To not feel so gross. He wanted it to be Brett's gentle hands touching him, not Chris'. He wanted the taste of Brett's lips on his, not the stench of Chris' beer.
So as soon as the door was shut behind them in the hotel room Eddy pushed Brett against the door, pressing his lips desperately against Brett's. He felt tears pressing on when Brett just stood there in shock, not responding to him at first. All he wanted in the world was for Brett to love him again. He wish he hadn't told him, that he'd been able to force his emotions into a jar and lock it, just so that Brett would kiss him back in this moment. He pulled away, eyes sparkling with tears. 
"I..." he began, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. Brett just stood there, looking into Eddy's sad eyes, completely in shock. What on earth had just happened?
"Do you... are you sure you want...?" Brett finally managed to say after a few seconds of silence.
"Please", Eddy whispered, letting his tongue run over the pink streak on his lip. "I... I want it to be... you... your hands..."
Brett lifted his hand up to the taller boy's cheek and wiped away a single tear making it's way down his cheek. "Shh, Eddy, don't cry" he said in a low and calming voice.
"If you're sure you want this. There's no need to prove anything to me, Eddy." Eddy didn't hear Brett's words as clearly anymore. His mind was telling him Brett just didn't want him anymore, that he thought he was disgusting. Why would he want to touch something as dirty and gross as him anyway? He felt like he wanted to scrub his skin off. He took a step back from Brett, head bent to fix his eyes on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Brett, I didn't mean for... for this to... to... for him to..." He dumped down on the bed and hid his face in his hands. He was lost for words. He didn't feel like sorry covered it, but he couldn't find a closer word either. He felt like the world crashed around him, like the ground crumbled beneath his feet.
"Eddy..." Brett sighed before sitting down next to him. He put an arm around his waist, causing Eddy to flinch slightly, even though he tried to surpress the automatic response. It felt like a snake was sneaking around him, but he tried to overrule his mind's screams.
"Please, Brett, I am so sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, he... he made me... he touched... I tried to stop him... he just wouldn't..." Eddy was interrupted by a deep kiss. He tasted the hint of the coffee Brett had during the break on his lips as they moved together with his in a perfect duet. The pink streak stung, but Eddy ignored it wanting to feel all of Brett. To belong to Brett again.