Denial - a Breddy fanfic

86.

They had somehow made it back to the hotel, even though Brett really didn't have any proper recollection of how that had happened. He had just latched onto Eddy, who guided him through the rain and the people. He felt Eddy's mood change as they passed the pavilion in the park, only then realizing the route they took back.

Eddy decided to pass the pavilion, to prove both to Brett and to himself he was fine. Turned out, he wasn't really fine. He wasn't really ready for that, and still he powered through the park, doing his best to avoid seeing the lamp post he had his back against that night. They made it through the park without Eddy crying, but he would never tell or show Brett how close he was. He had to be strong for Brett.

Both were soaked by the time they got to the hotel, and they almost had to peel their clothes off to hang them up to dry. Brett noticed the foundation on Eddy's neck still pretty much intact and felt his stomach twist at the sight of it. He looked away while slowly unbuttoning his own white shirt, trying to keep himself and his mind busy. To not think. The silence in the room made it hard for him, and his brain went into overdrive.

But before the voice could formulate anything mean to say him, Eddy had taken over the unbuttoning og Brett's shirt, and Brett noticed how shaky his own hands were.
"Let me help you, yeah?" Eddy mumbled, standing closer than he needed, and Brett let his shaky hands drop to his sides. He noticed Eddy had already gotten his own shirt off, and while it was hard not to stare, he just wasn't feeling it like he had just a few hours earlier.

"I'm sorry for earlier", Brett mumbled as Eddy slid his shirt down from his shoulders and the cool air in the room hit him.
"You don't have to apologize to me, Brett. You were obviously distressed." Eddy brought Brett's shirt to the bathroom to hang it to dry. Brett didn't move from his spot on the floor. He could feel his emotions melt off him and disappear and let out a sigh, not really sure if it was relief or distress.
Eddy reappeared from the bathroom and stepped into the room, still a bit stressed from the walk through the park he brought upon himself. He didn't want to worry Brett, but all he wanted was to cry.
"You're right, I was distressed", Brett said after too much time had passed for it to feel like it belonged to the conversation they were having. He unbuttoned his trousers and let them fall to the floor before sitting down on the bed. It was soft and inviting, almost begging Brett to just go to sleep and put this exhausting day behind him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you feel less distressed", Eddy replied, copying Brett's actions and sitting down on the other side of the bed, their backs towards each other. "I worry it's something I did that you won't tell me what is, and it's eating me up."
Brett sighed and grabbed his pillow to hug it against his chest to provide comfort for himself. He didn't want to bother Eddy.
"It's just me who's overreacting to stupid things", Brett mumbled, staring at the corner of the night stand to keep himself focused on something other than the voice trying to force it's way through.
"What did you overreact to, then?", Eddy said quietly, knowing in the back of his head it must have been something he did or said and he could feel the guilt bubbling in his stomach.
"The... The foundation", Brett mumbled hesitantly, and Eddy moved his hand to touch the slightly lighter patch on his skin.
"What about it?" Eddy asked, fighting to keep his voice steady. Brett heard the change of tone in Eddy's voice and hugged the pillow in his lap tighter.
"Just... It's stupid, but both that I made you uncomfortable... making the... the hickey... so it would show? But also... I mean, it's stupid, I'm just overreacting and I know it's stupid, but..." He hesitated for a second, trying to stop himself from rambling. "It felt like you were embarrassed of being with me when you covered it up."

The silence in the room was deafening after the words had been spoken. Eddy didn't really know what to say or do at this point. He felt awful about the fact that the thought could even cross Brett's mind.
" I don't know what to say. That's not how it is, at least", Eddy mumbled, not really daring to turn around to look at Brett. "I just felt it was inappropriate to show it at the concert hall. I'm sorry I was the cause of your breakdown." He sniffled before a sob escaped and his voice broke as he continued. "That's not how it's supposed to be, I'm sorry."

Brett regretted telling him. He didn't need the voice in his head to tell him it was stupid, because it was just him overreacting to nothing.
He put the pillow aside to crawl over the bed to be able to hold Eddy. His arms snaked around Eddy's waist and he hugged him just as tightly as he did the pillow.
"I just overreacted, you didn't do anything", he tried to explain, but Eddy's sobs in his arms told him he wasn't convinced. "Please Eddy, I don't want you to cry. Please." Eddy leaned his head back on Brett's chest, unable to stop his tears.
"I just wish I could be good for you instead of dragging you further down, you know?" Eddy sniffled, trying to wipe his still running tears. Brett moved to sit better on his knees behind Eddy, still with his arms tightly around him. He kissed the top of his head.
"Honestly, if you want to know, you make me feel better. It just seems like I'm getting worse because you see more of it, I think", Brett mumbled into Eddy's hair.
"What do you mean?" Eddy asked, turning slightly so he could see Brett's face.
"I spent most days in bed", Brett said, not sure how to explain. "Unless you came around, I just didn't do anything. Everything felt too exhausting. You are kindof the sun that heats me up from hibernation, if that even makes sense?"
"It does", Eddy mumbled, wiping the last of his tears and crawling into bed to hug Brett better. "I love you Brett, but it's so hard to help you when I don't know what you're thinking."
"I'll try and be better, promise", Brett mumbled as the hug tightened. "I love you too."