Denial - a Breddy fanfic

159.

Brett got worried when he didn't get any reply from Eddy. The voice had given him all kinds of theories of why that was. Did he hate him? Is he cheating? Is he hurt? Is he dead?
Brett pushed all the theories aside and settled on him maybe sleeping or even being busy practicing.

When Brett called that evening and still got no reply, it got harder to push the voice away. He still tried to find another explanation. Maybe he fell asleep? Maybe something happened to his phone?

Brett sent a new message at breakfast that morning, wishing him good morning and letting him know that he missed him. Now it was lunch, and the fact that his phone had been silent all day made Brett feel like he couldn't breathe. The voice didn't help either.

He probably figured out you lied about visitation yesterday and is mad at you now. He probably hates you, anyway.

"Shut up", Brett whispered, feeling the tears pressing on. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes hard to stop himself from crying.

Eddy had eventually moved from sitting in front of the front door to hide under the duvet in bed. He was so ashamed of himself for not seeing what Brett obviously had seen immediately. He was ashamed of himself for letting it go as far as he had.

He was too ashamed to answer the phone when Brett had called. What would he even tell him? That he had Mike over and that he had touched him like that? Eddy had no proof it hadn't gone further. Why would Brett believe him, anyway? He shouldn't even have met up with Mike at all.

Eddy cried when he received the message from Brett the following morning. He had drifted in and out of sleep all night, not able to fall asleep properly. While there was nothing he wanted more than to hug Brett and cry everything out, he knew he had fucked up royally. Would Brett even look at him anymore? Did he even deserve that anymore?

Brett had stared at his phone all afternoon with the voice reminding him how much of an idiot he was for lying about the visitation. He tried to call again around half an hour before dinner, but after ringing a few times it went to voicemail. Brett listened to Eddy's cheery voice telling him to leave a message at the tone, but he hung up without doing so.

Idiot, he doesn't want to talk to you. He hates you for lying, he hates you for being crazy and he hates you for being you. Why can't you just be normal for once?

Brett curled up under the covers of his bed, his back towards the door.
"Shut up", he begged the voice as a whisper, tears streaming down his face. "Please."

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he was waken suddenly by his phone vibrating in his hand. He sniffled and answered it, shakily moving the phone to his ear.

"H... Hello?" he whispered, sniffling again.
"Brett", Eddy sobbed in the other end. "I'm so sorry for calling so late, I... I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry I didn't reply to your message, I'm sorry I... I..."
Brett listened as Eddy broke into heavy crying in the other end, feeling the knot in his stomach tighten.
"Wh... Why are you sorry?", Brett asked, confused. "Please don't cry, Eddy, please..."
"I fucked up. I completely understand if you never want to see me again. I don't deserve you, Brett. I never did, but especially not now. I'm so sorry."

Brett could feel Eddy's desperation radiate through the phone and the urge to hug him was strong. He hated hearing Eddy so broken.
"Shh, Eddy, breathe, okay? What happened, Eddy?" Brett asked softly, trying his best not to let the knot in his stomach be audible.

Eddy hesitated, but eventually took a shaky deep breath.
"I... Mike called me... and he came to visit and... and... I swear, Brett, I didn't want anything like that I just needed someone to talk to, I swear..."
Brett's mind blanked for a second after Eddy mentioned Mike, but quickly fell back to reality.
"What happened?" Brett asked, flatter this time. The knot in his stomach was exchanged for something else now.
"H... he tried to t... touch me, but I told him to... to leave... I swear I didn't think he'd do that I thought he was my friend, I'm so sorry Brett."

Brett fell silent for a while. His mind took some time to process what Eddy had told him.
"He... touched you?" he finally asked, sitting up more in bed now.
"I'm sorry, I swear I didn't..."
"Without your consent?" Brett interrupted, feeling his heart drop into his stomach.
"I would never let him... Brett, please, I would only want you to..."
"While you should have been here?"
"Please don't hate me, Brett. I know I shouldn't have invited him, I know I fucked up..."

"No, Eddy, I am sorry", Brett finally said, voice breaking up at the last word. "You should have been here instead. I lied about visitation because..."
"Are you avoiding me?"
Eddy's voice was weak, sounding like a breath would break it in half. It felt like someone stabbed Brett in the heart.
"No I... I...", Brett began, but was sharply interrupted.

He'll never forgive you for not taking your pills.

"I thought it would be better for you to... to stay away from me...", Brett stuttered, feeling the panic build. "I'm sorry, it was stupid I just... I don't know, I just want what's best for you."
"Please don't say that", Eddy whispered shakily, stabbing Brett in the heart again. Brett pulled his duvet up to his chin.
"But it's true. And if what's best for you includes me being out of the picture, then... then..."
"Stop, Brett. I love you. I love you so much, and I would never want that", Eddy sniffled. "You sound like you did when the voice was talking to you, Brett. Are you okay? "

Do not fucking tell him. He said he loves you, but he'll leave you if he finds out. How much bullshit do you think one man can take, idiot?

"I just miss you and don't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry I lied", Brett mumbled, feeling the guilt bubble in his stomach. "I love you too."