Me and Luke were arguing, again.. It's starting to become somewhat regular, over the most stupidest things. He just walked out on me, leaving me alone in my house as he storms out down to his house a few streets down.
A few minutes later my phone vibrated on my bedside table next to where I have been sat crying on my bed since he left.
These arguments started when he got home from tour, this were brilliant the first few days, well, until he found out I cut myself again.
Luke was the one that stopped me harming myself, he taught me that there was a life worth living, but it seemed like it was only worth living when he was with me.
I could handle Luke being away a few days for meetings or the one off gig but this time he went away for 10 months. 10 months. He came back once in the second month of touring for 3 days, and after that I didn't see him for another 8 months.
Those 10 months dragged, I mean 10 months is a long time, it's 304 days, it's 7305 hours, it's 26,297,483 seconds without him. Without having a life worth living.
It tolled out to be hard on me, but surprisingly it wasn't to him.
We skyped every few days whenever he wanted to make an effort, texted me what they were doing, where they were. I felt that we just grew apart. Correction; he grew apart from me.
Every night I cried, I cried on the phone to him, over Skype, he didn't seem to care.
The constant groupie rumours were spiralling around twitter and tumblr, I know none of the boys would do that, but there were there in the back of my mind constantly. Boys will be boys. Around girls 24/7, their desire of attention building up every second.
* * *
Before this current argument, the arguments were petty and stupid, such as wanting different things for dinner, not wanting to go out with the boys for meals. But this was all different. We were laid down on the sofa cuddling watching some stupid TV show when he slips his hand up my top as he usually does when we're cuddling. I bit my lip as I knew he'd find what I've been trying to hide. His fingers went from my waist down to my hips. His fingers stopped and his breath hitched, "Y/N?" He whispered with a slight tang in his voice. "You haven't-?" He cut himself of as he knew what the answer would be.
I sat up and looked at him with tears in my eyes, "luke, I can explain" I stuttered as a tear fell down the side of my face,
"No" he demanded, "I don't want to hear your petty excuses, you promised! You were happy! Was it me?" He asked standing up shouting at me as I sat on the sofa crying, "wait? Why did I even ask that?! It wasn't me, I didn't do anything, it's you! Asking for attention! Yet again! That's all you ever want, when I was on tour having the time of my life you wouldn't fucking leave me alone! 'Lukeee I'm upset' 'lukey I miss you' 'can you come home?' twenty four fucking seven!" He practically screamed in my face as he grabbed his phone and jacket and headed out of the door.
* * *
My breath hitched as I cautiously picked up my phone and saw that it was a text from Luke. I read that text a thousand times over to get it to sink in. To sink in that I am worthless, that I'm stupid, that I'm a waste of a human, waste of air, a pathetic excuse for a girlfriend.
I screamed in frustration and anger and pulled on my hair throwing the phone across the room watching it land screen up.
This is it.
Luke is going to get what he wants.
I got out a blade from one of my drawers and stripped myself down, I ran a bath and got in it. I held the smooth precious blade in my hand as I cried and took a deep breath.
'I hope luke is the one to find me like this' I wished in my pathetic excuse of a brain as I slashed the blade across every part of my body I could find.