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Michael sits in the interview, zoned out and not paying attention at all the words flying around him. This was his first interview after your death. The first interview after he couldn't save you. The first since he walked in on your body on the ground. Your head face first in the bath tub, the blood from your body staining the tiles and an empty pill packet on the bench of the sink. He shakes his head, trying to rid the image from his head so he doesn't break down into tears in the front of a live audience. He had gotten pretty good with masking his emotions. Hiding every thing he was feeling. He didn't want anyone to know how much your death was triggering him. Urging him to follow your path. But he stayed strong. Because thats what you would have wanted.

"Michael?" the interviewer asks for the seventh time, snapping him out of his daze and bringing him back into reality. He couldn't tell which one was worst: his imagination where you still lived or real life where you had disappeared from this earth forever.

"Yes?" He asks, a forced laugh escaping from his lips. All the boys exchange worried glances. They had been worried it was too soon for Mikey to be doing this, and now their worry only heightened. Calum patted his back softly, a move of support and encouragement.

"I was just asking how you were coping since (Y/N)'s death," the interviewer asks, and Michael visibly cringes. He could think the words but as soon as they were said out loud his heart broke over and over.

"To be honest, I'm not coping. I'm going really badly. I read over my last text messages with her almost every day, wondering if there was something I could have done to stop her from doing this. If I could have done something. It's unhealthy. It's obsessive. I just want to be happy but I can't. Not with her gone," is what Michael wanted to say. Is what he wanted to say. He couldn't though. He couldn't. The management wouldn't be happy and the fans would be worried. He couldn't worry anyone. He couldn't let them know how his mind was really working currently.

"It's been hard. But with the support of the fans and my friends and family I'm getting through it," Michael chooses to say instead, a fake smile plastered on his lips as his leg bounces up and down nervously. He runs his hand through his plainly coloured hair. He'd given up on dying it. What was the point? He only did it to tease you. Now you were gone. And a part of Michael was gone too.

OH WHAT

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