Sadly, my husband Ashton Irwin passed away just
a month ago and I’m barely coping this life
without him. I’m eighty-six years old struggling
to breathe in what it feels like thick air. I grew
up with him, he was always my best friend until
we become a couple at the age of 20 when he told
me he loved me for the first time as we watched
the sunset at 6AM after a night filled of deep
talks and laughing. We both ran off to
somewhere in Sydney together where Ashton
became a famous drummer in a band called 5
Seconds of Summer with some of his friends.
They became so famous and successful so quickly
that I couldn’t keep up with it. I don’t think he
could either. I’m so proud of my loved man. Last
night I went through his things, I found the suit
that he wore that night his band won their first
Grammy award. I lay it on the bed and sniffed
the scent of his favourite cologne. It was like he
was there, watching over me as I cry my heart
out quietly as I can to myself. My tears start to
stain the suit but I tried to stay silent as our
grown up children are here for Christmas with
the grandchildren. The first Christmas without
him. We haven’t even told our grandchildren what
happened, I don’t know how to tell them. Who
would? Ashton passed away with one of his loyal
friends and band mate, Luke, from a terrible car
crash caused by some lunatic teenagers thinking
they are capable of driving drunk. People suffer
everyday but this is one of those things you
expect not to happen to you or anyone around
you. I continue looking through his possessions
to find a book in the box under our bed. I
curiously bring the book to my hands and blow
the dust from the cover. On the front page there
was a picture of us on the first day that I met
him. We were just children playing in the sand at
our old school laughing at each other. I opened
the book to find many, many pictures of us
together. It was a scrapbook. Along with plenty
pictures of his life, he scribbled plenty notes and
memories on each page. He talked about
everything in it. Even his virginity which made me
smile. There’s pictures of our first house
together, our children growing up and generally
everything he did. We did. It was the scrapbook
of his life. Everytime I turned a page, a tear fell
onto each one. When I came to the last page,
there were a letter. It had my name on it.
“ To my dearest love Y/N,
If you find this then that means I didn’t make
it. I know I might leave you unexpectedly but I
just want you to know that I will always love
you. What we have achieved in life together are
memories I’ll always keep close to my heart. I
will never be stupid enough to let you go nor will
I be strong enough. I know our parents don’t
approve of our relationship yet but today we will
run away. Today will be one of the best days of
my entire life. We’ve got so much to inspire from
and achieve and there’s no limits. You’ve
changed my whole life, I know it. It’s almost as
if you’re my special little gift from God which I
will protect and love with all my heart and mind.
If I ever leave this world, I promise to watch
our loved ones and especially you. I’ll be the
angel at your footsteps guiding you the way
home each night. Please do not cry for me when I
go, I never like seeing you cry. When you cry, a
little part of me dies inside. It kills me. Look
after everyone for me. Don’t do anything silly
just because I’m physically not there with you
but I am in your heart. I love you so much, Y/N.
Love from Ashton.
Age 20”