Sadly, my husband Ashton Irwin passed away just

a month ago and I’m barely coping this life

without him. I’m eighty-six years old struggling

to breathe in what it feels like thick air. I grew

up with him, he was always my best friend until

we become a couple at the age of 20 when he told

me he loved me for the first time as we watched

the sunset at 6AM after a night filled of deep

talks and laughing. We both ran off to

somewhere in Sydney together where Ashton

became a famous drummer in a band called 5

Seconds of Summer with some of his friends.

They became so famous and successful so quickly

that I couldn’t keep up with it. I don’t think he

could either. I’m so proud of my loved man. Last

night I went through his things, I found the suit

that he wore that night his band won their first

Grammy award. I lay it on the bed and sniffed

the scent of his favourite cologne. It was like he

was there, watching over me as I cry my heart

out quietly as I can to myself. My tears start to

stain the suit but I tried to stay silent as our

grown up children are here for Christmas with

the grandchildren. The first Christmas without

him. We haven’t even told our grandchildren what

happened, I don’t know how to tell them. Who

would? Ashton passed away with one of his loyal

friends and band mate, Luke, from a terrible car

crash caused by some lunatic teenagers thinking

they are capable of driving drunk. People suffer

everyday but this is one of those things you

expect not to happen to you or anyone around

you. I continue looking through his possessions

to find a book in the box under our bed. I

curiously bring the book to my hands and blow

the dust from the cover. On the front page there

was a picture of us on the first day that I met

him. We were just children playing in the sand at

our old school laughing at each other. I opened

the book to find many, many pictures of us

together. It was a scrapbook. Along with plenty

pictures of his life, he scribbled plenty notes and

memories on each page. He talked about

everything in it. Even his virginity which made me

smile. There’s pictures of our first house

together, our children growing up and generally

everything he did. We did. It was the scrapbook

of his life. Everytime I turned a page, a tear fell

onto each one. When I came to the last page,

there were a letter. It had my name on it.

“ To my dearest love Y/N,

If you find this then that means I didn’t make

it. I know I might leave you unexpectedly but I

just want you to know that I will always love

you. What we have achieved in life together are

memories I’ll always keep close to my heart. I

will never be stupid enough to let you go nor will

I be strong enough. I know our parents don’t

approve of our relationship yet but today we will

run away. Today will be one of the best days of

my entire life. We’ve got so much to inspire from

and achieve and there’s no limits. You’ve

changed my whole life, I know it. It’s almost as

if you’re my special little gift from God which I

will protect and love with all my heart and mind.

If I ever leave this world, I promise to watch

our loved ones and especially you. I’ll be the

angel at your footsteps guiding you the way

home each night. Please do not cry for me when I

go, I never like seeing you cry. When you cry, a

little part of me dies inside. It kills me. Look

after everyone for me. Don’t do anything silly

just because I’m physically not there with you

but I am in your heart. I love you so much, Y/N.

Love from Ashton.

Age 20”

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