PLL Preferences

Numb

warning: slight mention of self harm in Mike's preference

Jason- You run your fingers along Jason's bare arm and watch as the rain falls down in sheets. The blanket was providing you both warmth and security.

You had been relishing in the news that Aria was in fact A. All the texts, threats, lies and sneaking around was her. Everything that had ever happened regarding A, was Aria. You're not quite sure if you've processed it yet because since you found out, you haven't shed a tear. In fact, you haven't really shown any emotion.

"Y/N?" Jason asks softly. You hum in response. People talk and act as if they'll break you. You know you won't, you're strong. "You haven't really said much since.." he trails off, knowing you'll understand where he's going with it.

"I don't have much to say." you answer simply. You don't feel much about the situation. At first you were confused and angry and sad but then suddenly, you just evened out and not in a good way. In a way that takes all of your emotion.

"You have to have something to say about it and I'm afraid you're bottling all this up." he explains. You always have tended to bottle things up and then explode. "Bad things happen when you bottle everything up. Trust me."

"I'm fine Jason." you sigh. "I don't even really feel anything." you admit. Jason shifts next to you and places his hand on your stomach.

"What do you mean?" His breath beats against your neck and you sigh again.

"I'm just..numb." Jason's breath becomes shaky and you look back at him. His expression is one of hurt and sympathy.

You can't help that you're numb, you just are. You didn't ask for this. You'd rather be depressed or angry or sad, anything. Anything other than this. All the other girls are sad or mad or spiraling and you're left feeling nothing.

"You won't be soon." Jason states. Confused, you turn around. "You'll be numb for awhile. And then, one day everything is gonna hit you. It will be scary and you'll cry but I'll be there. I'll always be there. I'll be there when you're numb, I'll be there when you can't stop crying and I'll be there when you can't stop smiling." he finishes. You smile softly and bury your head into chest as he strokes your hair and whispers into your ear.

"I'm always here for you."

Mike- Sirens blared and people crowded around the car accident that you and your mother were involved in. A car came out of nowhere, slammed into your moms side and killed her instantly. You were left with scratches and some cuts but otherwise you were okay.

This happened two weeks ago. For two weeks you have felt absolutely nothing. You were empty. At first you assumed shock, but can someone be in shock for this long? You sat on the couch in your empty house, curled up with a blanket while watching TV. Ever since your mom died, your dad has been finding solace in liquor.

You remember when your mom would wrap you in her arms and calm you down if you were having a panic attack. Thinking about those days makes you think about the razor you had stashed away deep within your dresser. If anything could make you feel, it would be that. You stand up and make your way to your room and dresser. Your hands dig through until they land upon the familiar, cold, piece of metal. You go to the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door. Taking a seat on the floor  against the cabinets, you roll your sleeve up, press the razor against your arm and-

"Y/N?" You quickly look up to see Mike with his mouth parted slightly. You sigh and drop the razor beside you while still sitting there, completely hopeless and desperate to feel something, even pain. "What are you doing?" he asks while kneeling down to pick the razor up and put it in his pocket.

"I just want to feel something." you tell him with a hoarse voice that is barley audible.

"What do you mean?" he asks. His is crouched in front of you with his eyes focused on yours.

"Ever since she died, I-I haven't felt anything and it's driving me crazy." you explain. "I know I should feel like shit but I don't feel anything." Mike sighs and sits down in front of you, takes your hands in his and stares at you.

"I get it alright? I get why you were gonna do this but I promise you, that you will feel again. I promise." he explains.

"Promise?" you whisper.

"Promise." he smiles.

Caleb- All of the girls have turned against you and you couldn't take it. At first it hurt like hell. You spent hours trying to find out what you did wrong, you would cry and cry until no tears were left.

Then one day, it just kind of stopped hurting. The dull but constant ache went away. You didn't know why, but you just shut off. Caleb was on his way over and you were pouring Vodka into a water bottle.

You hated not feeling so you would get drunk to forget about the numbness lingering in your body. Caleb didn't know. He knows you used to have a problem with drinking before but not now.

There's a knock at the door and you walk over to it. You're not drunk just a little buzzed. He smiles while pulling you into a hug. Suddenly, he stops hugging you and pulls back slowly. "Are you drinking?"

You don't even try to deny it. "Yeah." you whisper. He sighs and takes your hand while leading you to the couch.

"Why are you drinking?" No answer. "Y/N, why are-"

"Because I don't fucking feel anything! I'm numb." you croak. Tears threaten to leave your eyes but even when you let them, none come. It just goes to add how numb you have become.

"Y/N," he sighs gently while hugging you again. "I didn't know." he whispers into your shoulder.

"It's fine." you mutter, becoming used to the fact that people never know what's going on with you.

"No, it's not. From now on, talk to me okay?"

ew I don't like this one. so sorry that I haven't updated in forever.