R E G R E T S A N D R U D E N E S S
D A Y 2 4
I reached out to you. Not because I needed you, nor did I really want you, but because I thought you would be the most suited for the job. We needed our security boosted and a registration feature, and I thought you would be the man for the job. I suppose I was wrong. I thought you would enjoy partaking in an exciting project such as creating a chat website. We could have really used you, you know...
"I'm not much of programmer these days..." you said, trying to avoid anymore questions.
Then what the hell are you?
"I'm much too busy...I have to go to the gym after this..." you said once more, trying to shoo me away indirectly.
Not to be rude, but you've always been such a skinny boy...I don't think that's going to change. I though that you would respond to me after you returned. Either you never came back, or you never intended to respond to me.
It does hurt a bit. It was quite rude of you, too. You know, we might not have been that close, and we might have had our differences, but this was a special invitation. You might not have ever taken my thoughts in consideration when you made your website, but it would have been an honor to work with you. You excel at security. To have you on our team would have been fantastic.
You're so rude...perhaps I deserve it...I'm not too sure. I would like to think that we could put everything in the past and you could treat me with the same courtesy that you would use when interacting with a business partner. I really wish you could look past the depressive past, and see who I really am. I really wish you would just give me a chance to even just prove I wasn't insane anymore. I just wish you would realize that I've changed...
I know I was a terrible friend. I know I was a terrible person. I'm better now...and I'm trying to prove that to you. I just want to prove to you that I'm worth your time.
Besides that, I'm a person too. I hurt just like everyone else, I feel just like everyone else. It hurts to be ignored. Remember that.
There are some nights when I think back, and I swear that I miss you. I miss laughing with you...I miss when everything was funny...some nights, you were the only thing that kept me going. Everything seemed okay with you...the world didn't seem so dark.
It just hurts...I feel like I made your life miserable. I feel like I was the worst thing that ever happened to you. I feel like I never brought a smile to your face...I feel like maybe you would have been better off never knowing me.
JE LEEST
73 Days
Non-fictieA series of letters to a once best friend, a series of letters he may never get to read. There are 73 days in summer, and that means 73 days of change. From a suicidal, depressed, self-harm addicted teenager into a (hopefully) stable young woman, th...
