69. "Let Me Be There For You."

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I've been dating the singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes for five months now. One day, I was at his place up in Canada, when I could tell that something was off. He just wasn't acting like himself. I would walk into a room and he would walk out of that same room. He didn't talk to me much. I reached out to his best friend Brian Craigen to help me figure out what was going on.

Me: Hey Brian, Shawn keeps basically pushing me away. I'll walk into the room and he'll walk out and he's barely talking to me. He won't even cuddle with me anymore. I don't know if I did something wrong or not but I just don't know what to do. I feel like he wants me to pack my bags and leave or something, I don't know...

Brian: Y/n, don't leave. That's his anxiety. When he gets anxious, he pushes people away. I know that you're in town for another month, so just try and talk to him.

Me: Okay, thank you.

Brian: You're welcome.

That night Shawn walked in after a meeting with his manager. He looked at me on the couch, and walked into a different room. I got up and followed him into that room. When he noticed that I had walked in, he walked out again.

"Shawn, please stop walking so I can talk to you." I said.

"I don't want to talk Y/n." Shawn said. I reached forward and grabbed his hand. He snatched it away so hard that I fell to the ground and my butt hit the hard floor. I let out a yelp. "BABY!" Shawn yelled. I stood up.

"I'm okay, I just want to talk to you." I said. Shawn shook his head.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to talk." Shawn said.

"Okay, if we don't talk, if we don't communicate, then this relationship isn't going to go anywhere and we'll be over." I said. Shawn's eyes widened.

"No. We can't end. I can't lose you." Shawn said.

"Then we have to communicate baby." I said. Shawn sighed and nodded as he walked over to the couch and sat down. I sat down next to him and faced him.

"I'm struggling with my anxiety. When I feel my anxiety coming on, I push people away. I'm sorry about that, and I'm sorry that I made you fall." Shawn said. He looked so sad and my heart broke.

"It's okay Shawn. Honey, let me be there for you. I'm your girlfriend and you know that I love you, right?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah, and I love you too." He said. I smiled a little.

"So if we love each other and we want to be together, we need to communicate and tell each other what's going on, right?" I asked. He nodded.

"Right." He said.

"So what can I do to help you with your anxiety?" I asked as I began to run my fingers through his hair.

"Well this feels nice." He said. I smiled.

"Good. What else can I do?" I asked. He reached over and pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him. Tears formed in his eyes.

"I don't know." He whispered.

"Where's this anxiety coming from? What's causing it?" I asked. He sighed and shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about it." He said.

"Baby, remember what I said about communication? It's key to relationships. Talk to me honey. Please." I pleaded as I continued to run my fingers through his hair. He nodded.

"Okay. Um, the other day, I posted a picture of you on Instagram and I saw all of these guys commenting on it saying how hot you looked and stuff like that. You're mine, and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you, so I got anxious, and that's where we're at now." Shawn said as a tear fell down onto his cheek. I kissed it away before pulling away and holding his face in my hands as I rubbed his cheeks with my thumbs.

"Baby boy, you are never, ever, ever going to lose me. Never. I love you too much to let that happen. There is no man in this world more handsome than you and there is no person in the galaxy that is as kind and caring and amazing as you. You've become the most important person in my life, and I'm not going to leave you and you're not going to lose me. I promise. I love you Shawn." I said. He smiled a little and nodded.

"I love you too Y/n. So damn much. You're the beautiful girl in the world and you're so beyond amazing in every single way. I don't want to ever lose you." Shawn said. I kissed his cheek again.

"You're not going to. I'm yours and you're mine. My heart belongs to you. I'm in love with you Shawn and no guy, no person, holds a candle to you. Never forget that." I said. Shawn smiled at me.

"Come here baby girl, come give me a kiss." Shawn said. I smiled at him and put my lips on his. Our lips moved in sync as I felt sparks shoot through me like fireworks, I felt my heart race as if I had just run a marathon, and I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my tummy. Shawn and I pulled away and leaned our foreheads together.

"Let's post a picture together." I said.

"You really want to?" He asked and I giggled as I nodded.

"Yeah. Show me off as your girl, because that's what I am, and that's what I always will be." I said. Shawn smiled and nodded.

"Okay. Here, let's lay down on the couch. You can put your head on my chest and we'll take a selfie like that." He said. I nodded.

"How's your anxiety?" I asked.

"Gone. Thank you for that baby." He said.

"That wasn't me. That was you. I just helped." I said. He smiled and we laid down on the couch. I put my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his torso. In the picture, my eyes were closed and I smiled as Shawn kissed the top of my head.

"Cuddles with my girl. I love you endlessly Y/n Y/l/n." Shawn captioned it and I smiled and liked the photo. Shawn and I had a nice time together. I'm so glad that I could make him feel better.

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