It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 165

November 14, 2014

I sat down and everyone was all up in my face. They were fixing my hair, putting makeup on me, all that good stuff. 

"John, are we ready to go?" Brett Morgan asked. 

"Good to go!" John gave him the thumbs-up. 

I was going to have to talk about Kurt for the next hour or two and it had been so long since I had talked about him for that long. I was getting interviewed because Brett Morgan was making a documentary about Kurt. 

Ethan had wanted to come, but I told him no since I was going to be talking about Kurt a lot and I didn't want him to have to hear about that. 

"So, Ruby, what was your idea of Prince Charming when you were younger?" Brett asked. 

I sighed, slightly chuckling. "God, when I was younger, I always thought that my Prince Charming was going to be a beautiful man. I mean brown hair, blue eyes, tall, very handsome, and muscular. And he would rescue me whenever I needed to be rescued."

"And do you think that Kurt fit that description very well?"

I chuckled. "No, not at all. In fact, he was the complete opposite of Prince Charming. He had blond hair, but he did have blue eyes. He wasn't tall, but he was very handsome, I will admit that. He wasn't muscular, either, he was a very skinny man. He was insecure about it. And he didn't rescue me whenever I needed to be rescued."

"How did you and Kurt meet?"

"Well, Dave Grohl and I were best friends in high school and one day he randomly decided that he wanted to stop by my house. Kurt and Krist happened to be there, too, and we all talked for a little, but I didn't feel any romantic connection with Kurt until Halloween of that year. Keep in mind, this was in 1990, so this was before they got really big and famous. That Halloween, Kurt and I talked a lot and he let me sleep on his lap. That was when I knew that I had feelings for him."

"How many boyfriends did you have before Kurt?"

"I only had one."

"He killed himself, didn't he?"

That was very blunt. 

"Yes, he did."

"Did Kurt know that?"

"Yes, he did. That's probably why it hurt a lot more than if Kurt had just killed himself. He fucking knew that Robert had killed himself and in the first half of our relationship, I would have breakdowns because of it and he would help me. Lorelai, my oldest daughter, had no father, so when Kurt and I made things official, we both agreed to have her grow up thinking that he was her father."

"So Lorelai essentially lost both of her fathers?"

"Yeah," I felt sorry for her. 

"You expressed that Kurt was different in the beginning of the relationship compared to the end of your guy's relationship. Can you elaborate on that?"

I adjusted myself in the seat. "Kurt looked very different, first of all. When I first met him, he looked very clean and very healthy. Although I noticed that he was abnormally skinny, everything else about him seemed normal. He didn't have any facial hair and I love when men don't have facial hair. I don't really like facial hair. But, he just seemed very kind and very calm. He was very calm and very shy. He was very introverted, but he just observed a lot. He wasn't as close with Lorelai. It was like he almost felt awkward around her, but he quickly warmed up to her."