It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 66

October 6, 1992

"I'm going to go see Kurt today," I told Dave right after he woke up. I was already dressed and I brushed my hair and teeth and everything. "I don't want to bring Melissa, though because in case we do get into another argument, I don't want her to hear us yell."

"Are you sure?" He asked. 

"Yes."

He smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile; it was as if he had forced it. I knew that he was hoping that Kurt and I were really broken up. After all, Dave claimed that he loved me. I couldn't imagine being in his position, but I hoped that he would get over me soon. 

After the conversation we had the day prior, I was crying. I realized that everything that he said was true. I always ran from my problems-even with Robert I ran. I moved. I never handle things, I just run and I need to stop. Like Dave had said, if I wanted Kurt and I to get married, I would have to talk things out with him. I wouldn't be able to run away. 

I hugged Dave and thanked him for everything. In the middle of our hug, the phone rang. I let go of him and he answered the phone. 

"Hello?" He answered. "Oh, hey Krist. Yes, she is. Okay, I won't. What's going on?" Then, his face fell. His jaw dropped and he looked as if he had just seen a ghost. "You're joking. You're joking, right? Oh my God. Is he okay?"

"What happened?" I mouthed to Dave. 

"I'm telling her," He raised his voice. "I don't give a fuck about what he says! Honestly, look at what he just fucking did and you expect me not to say anything to her?! Where is he? Okay. No, no, they shouldn't see that. Bye, Krist."

It was about to Kurt. It had to be. 

"What happened?" I asked Dave as he started crying. Now he was scaring me. 

"Kurt overdosed," He said. 

I couldn't believe the words that I had just heard. It had to be a joke. It couldn't be real. 

I collapsed onto the ground and clutched my stomach as I sobbed. My body hurt from the pain. Kurt couldn't have overdosed. 

I couldn't even bring myself to say anything, but Dave knew what to say. He had done it again. That was it, that was the last straw.

"We can go see him," Dave said. "But I suggest that only you go. Krist suggested having Melissa go, too, but that's up to you."

I reached my hands out for him to grab, to which he did, and helped me stand up. 

"I'll get Melissa and put her in her car seat," He told me and went into his bedroom. 

My world was crashing and falling. Was he dead? No, Dave said that we could see him, but maybe he meant it as a one-last-time seeing him. God, why would he do this?

Oh Kurt. 

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We stood out of his room that he was in. 

"Are you ready to go in there?" Dave asked me. 

I shook my head. I still hadn't said anything since he told me that Kurt overdosed. 

"Do you want me to go in?"

I shook my head.

"What about Melissa?"

I shook my head. 

"I'll be outside if you need me."

My hands were shaking tremendously and my palms were sweating. I placed my hand on the doorknob and slowly opened it up and there he was laying down in his bed. I was getting deja vu from the last time I had to go to the hospital-the other time he had overdosed. He did it last time because of the argument that we had and now he didn't again because of our last argument.