It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 51

August 18, 1992

Kurt hadn't come back. I didn't know where he was and I was starting to get nervous. I called Krist to see if Kurt had told him anything, but he said that he didn't know. Now I know how Kurt felt everytime I just left and didn't say anything about where I had gone. 

In the meantime, I had Lorelai watch TV while I attempted to clean up downstairs. After what Dave told me yesterday, we had a long talk and I basically told him off and told him that what he said was unacceptable. It quite humorous-I was acting like his mother in that moment. He stayed the night-not in my bed, but on the couch downstairs in the living room-in case something happened (with Kurt), but nothing happened.  

In the middle of me mopping the kitchen floor, the phone rang. I was going to answer it once I was done, but it rung a second time. I propped the mop against the island and answered the phone. 

"Hello?" I asked. 

"Ruby!" 

"Who is this?"

"It's Shelli."

"Oh, hey Shelli."

"Ruby, I need you to come to my house right now."

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

And then the line went dead. 

Well, I guess Lorelai and I were going to Shelli's and Krist's house.

"What happened?" I asked as soon as Shelli opened up the door. 

"Krist is at the hospital right now!" She exclaimed. 

"Why? Is he okay?"

She led us inside. "Sit on the couch-you're going to need to brace yourself after you hear this."

"You're scaring me," Lorelai and I sat down on the couch. 

"Krist and I are hanging out, right? And then he gets a call from Kurt. Guess what Kurt said."

"What?"

"Guess!"

"He found a bag of cocaine and snorted it. I don't know."

"No! Courtney gave birth to Frances!"

"Frances? Who's Frances?"

"Their daughter! Kurt and Courtney's daugh-"

"Stop. Stop. She gave birth?"

"Yes!"

"So...he would tell Krist and not me?"

Shelli sighed. I knew that she was frustrated that that was the first thing that I thought of. 

"Is he happy?" I asked. 

"I wouldn't know; I haven't talked to him."

"I want to visit him."

"I don't think we can."

"Yeah, probably not."

"But, until then, how about we go out for lunch?"

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We went to Johnny Rockets to eat lunch, but I wasn't really able to enjoy myself because the whole time I had been thinking about Kurt, Courtney, and Frances. I was glad that he was excited for his daughter to be born-I mean, who wouldn't-but I was scared that it would bring him and Courtney closer and they would end up sleeping together again. 

God, I was overthinking tremendously. 

We had just arrived back to Shelli's house when her phone was going off. 

"Let me get that," She rushed to the point and answered it. "Hello? Okay...okay. When will you be getting back?"

"Go sit down," I whispered to Lorelai, quietly shutting the door behind us. 

"Well that's great!" Shelli exclaimed. "Yeah, she's with me. Yeah, that's fine. Ruby, come here, will you?"

I walked over to her and she handed me the phone. 

"Hello?" I asked. 

"It's Krist."

"Hey, Krist. How are you doing?"

"Good. Trying to keep Kurt stable if you know what I mean."

"No I don't."

He chuckled. "He's freaking out because of the baby."

"Right."

He spoke in a softer tone. "Listen, I know you're not too happy about the situation, but you could at least try to hide it, you know?"

"Yeah, I've been kind of a dick lately."

"Oh, looks like someone wants to talk to you."

"Ruby?" Kurt asked. I could recognize that voice anywhere. 

"Hey, Kurt."

"Ruby, she's here."

"Frances?"

"Yes. Ruby, she's so beautiful and precious."

"I'm glad."

"They're going to let Courtney out in a couple of days-they have to make sure that everything is right with her and the baby."

"So, you're going to be in the hospital for two days?"

"Yes."

"Okay," I tried to hide my irritation as best as I could. "I know what's going on with you and Dave."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"So, how did you find out?"

"He told me that he loved me."

"He just straight up said it?"

"No, we were having a conversation before and he told me after."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Um, I don't know. I don't think he loves me, though."

"Believe me, he does. Listen, can we not talk about this right now?"

"That's-Yeah th-that's fine."

"See you."

"Wait, you're going?"

"Yeah."

"Well, bye."

"Bye. I love you."

"Love you too," I slammed the phone back into its holder in the wall. 

Nothing was going as planned.