It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 14

November 5, 1991

Nirvana had gotten really big. And when I say really big, I mean really big. Their single blew up really fast and everyone loved them. 

Kurt had apparently dyed his hair blue and now it was pink. It's not like I would know-Dave was the only person I talked to. 

Dave would always tell me that Kurt was super busy writing songs or he was sleeping or eating or in an interview. But, I knew that Kurt just didn't want to talk to me. 

I grew really nervous over the past weeks and I kept thinking that there was another girl. I didn't want that to be the reality, but the more I thought of it, the more I started to believe that it was true. No matter how hard I tried to get that thought of my head, it would always return. 

The phone rang, so I answered it and said, "Hello?"

"Ruby," Kurt's raspy voice said. 

"OH MY GOD, KURT!"

"Hi," I heard him smile. 

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

"I've been so busy lately."

"Tell her the truth," I heard another voice say. 

"No, not yet."

"Come on."

"No! Back the fuck off!"

"Ruby, Kurt-"

I heard the phone thud to the ground and heard ruslting around. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF HERE!" Kurt yelled. "GET OUT!"

A door slammed shut and Kurt apologized in a very soft tone. 

"What the fuck just happened?" I asked. "Kurt, what's going on?"

He sighed. "I've been-um-doing something."

"What have you been doing?"

"I've been really stressed out because I've been spending a lot of money-"

"Bullshit."

"You didn't even hear what I had to say."

"So what? I know that you wouldn't spend money like that."

"How do you know? I've been getting more money, Ruby."

"And? You're smart, Kurt. Now, why don't you tell me what the fuck is going on."

"I just told you!"

"Sure."

"Fine, you want the truth?"

"Yes, that's all I'm asking." Even though I was super terrified, that's all I wanted. 

"I've been really overwhelmed with all the interviews and everything. Everyone has such a high expectation of me and they expect me to act a certain way, but I can't. I fucking hate this. I didn't mean to get this big. Ruby, I barely even have any time to eat."

"Hey, it's okay."

"No it's not. You're mad at me and-"

"I'm not mad at you."

"You promise?"

"I promise I'm not mad. You're going to be home for Christmas, right?"

"Of course."

"When exactly?"

"The day before."

"Oh, okay."

"How is Lorelai?"

"She's doing great."

"Can I say hi?"

"She's not here right now."

"Oh. Where is she?"

"She's with Robert's mother."

"I didn't know you were in contact with his family."

"Obviously I am-especially after his dad died, I made sure his mother was okay. But, that's Lorelai's grandmother, of course she's going to see him."

"Then why aren't you with her?"

"Because she doesn't really like me. She thinks I contributed to Robert killing himself."

"It sounds like you don't like her."

"Well, I kind of don't since she thinks I contributed to her son killing himself, but I mean, I'll always love her and treat her as if she's my own mother."

"But she's not."

"Kurt, why are you arguing with me?"

"I don't know."

"I got one of your guys' CDs."

"Oh yeah? What's your favorite song?"

"Probably 'Lounge Act' or 'Something in the Way'."

"KURTY!" I heard a high pitched woman's voice say. 

"Kurty?" I asked. 

"This chick has a crush on me," Kurt explains. "I have no feelings for her whatsoever."

"You promise?"

"I promise. But, I do have to go."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Bye."

The phone hung up and I grew suspicious. Why did he have to go so soon? I mean, everything seemed fine. 

I hoped that everything would be fine.