It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 44

March 21, 1992

I didn't go home-that was where Kurt was going. I took Lorelai to Dave's house. 

"That fucking dick," Dave ran his fingers through his hair, pacing back and forth across the room after I had just explained to him what happened. Lorelai fell asleep on his bed last night and I had to wait a couple of hours for me to calm down-which went from a couple of hours until the next day-before I could tell him what happened. "God, I hate him sometimes. You know that, right?"

"You don't mean that."

"Don't you dare defend him right now. Did you not hear what he just told you?!"

"He didn't mean it, Dave."

"Yes he did. That's why he said it. It's the tru-I'm sorry, that doesn't sound right."

"No, no, I understand, Dave. I'm just fucking over this. I'm over his bullshit."

"A donkey!" Lorelai giggled. 

"Come here," Dave hugged me and I started crying as I hugged him tighter. "Look at what he's doing to you, Ruby."

"He's not doing anything to me," I pushed myself away from Dave. 

"How many times have you cried over him?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I quickly shut it. Too many to count, I thought. But I couldn't tell Dave that-he would win the argument. 

"Exactly," He said. 

"Stop it, Dave. It's okay to cry."

"Not as much as you do."

"I don't cry a lot."

"Ruby-"

"Dave stop it."

Just then, the phone rang. I let out a sigh of relief-this argument could be over. 

"Hello?" Dave asked. 

"What are you watching?" I asked Lorelai, but before she could respond, Dave yelled, "HE WHAT?! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

He slammed the phone against the wall and I watched him look around for something. 

"What are you looking for?" I asked him. 

"THE CAR! WE HAVE TO GET IN THE CAR! HELP ME LOOK!" 

I didn't know where to look, exactly but I just looked around the kitchen. Why was he freaking out? I hoped that he was okay. 

"I found them!" He exclaimed. "Come on!"

"Come on, Lorelai," I shut the T.V. off, put her shoes on, then mine, and we went into Dave's car. 

We got buckled-Lorelai didn't have a car seat, so I sat in the back with her and had her on my lap. Totally unsafe and it was a bad "Mom moment" for me. I could see Dave wiping away his tears from his eyes. 

"What happened?" I asked him, but in return got no response. 

I just looked down at Lorelai and played with her hair. When the car stopped, I looked up to see where we were. The hospital. 

Why were we here? Was Dave hurt? No, no he wasn't hurt-that wouldn't make sense. 

"Ruby?" Dave asked, interrupting my thoughts. 

"Yes?"

"I-" He sighed. "I don't know-Ruby-"

"Let's just go inside."