It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 138

March 31, 1994

We stopped by the rehab center on the way to the family reunion. As soon as the girls saw Kurt in his room, they ran to him and hugged him. 

I did the same. 

It felt like it had been forever since I had seen him, but I had seen him yesterday. 

It was really hard to be without him. I hated it. I just wanted him there with me constantly, but I knew that if I wanted him to get better, I was going to have to let him do it step by step. 

"Where are you guys going to?" Kurt asked me. "Oh, right, the reunion."

"I saw Gretchen yesterday."

"You did?"

"Yeah. She apologized and told me that she didn't know what I was going through."

"And what'd you say?"

"'I know'."

He smirked and kissed me. "You know, you used to be a lot nicer before you met me."

"You think?"

"Lorelai, how have you been doing?"

"I've been really good," She giggled. "I really miss you, Daddy."

"I know you do. Before you know it, I'll be right back again. I won't keep leaving and coming back."

"You'll just stay?!"

"Yes!" He chuckled. 

I noticed my mom taking pictures of us. It was as if she thought that it would make the moment last longer. 

I wish it did. 

I hugged Kurt. "You know, I really miss you. I miss going to sleep with you right next to me. I miss you being the first thing I look at in the mornings. I miss kissing you. I miss being happy with you. I miss the little bickering that we get into."

"I miss you," He kissed me. "I miss your snarky comments. I miss your morning hair when you wake up in the mornings. I miss the way you used to look at me whenever you saw me. I miss the way you complement me. I miss the way you would lay down on my lap and I would run my fingers through your hair as you rambled on and on about nothing. I miss playing with our girls with you. I miss everything about you, Ruby. Don't think I don't."

"Time is up," A worker came in. 

I sighed and kissed him. "I love you so much, Kurt."

He gave Melissa a hug, then Lorelai. "I'll be back before you know it. I love you girls so much."

"Bye, Daddy, I love you," Lorelai kissed Kurt, then ran back out with my mom. Melissa grabbed my hand as we walked out of the room. 

I turned around, getting one last look at Kurt. "I love you."

"I love you," He waved goodbye. 

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We were at the family reunion for a while, but I didn't really talk to anyone else. It felt like everyone knew who I was, but I didn't know who they were. It was probably because my husband was the most famous man in the world. 

After a little, Harry and Andy made their way over to me. 

"How are you?" Harry asked. 

"I'm okay," I lied. I was way worse than just 'okay'.