It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 25

December 25, 1991

It was Christmas. I woke up next to the man I loved on Christmas. 

My daughter came running into our bedroom and said that it was Christmas. 

"SANTA CAME!" She squealed. 

"Go look at what's for breakfast," I told her. 

As she ran off, I shook Kurt awake. 

"Kurt," I said. 

"Hm?"

"Want to hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"Why is Santa's sack so big?"

He glared at me, half-asleep. "Why?"

"Because he only comes once a year."

He laughed hysterically and started chortling. I chuckled, too, brushed my hair and teeth, put on new clothes, then walked out. 

"MOMMY!" She yelled. 

My mom got up and told us all Merry Christmas. 

"Where's Kurt?" She asked. 

"He's still waking up," I replied. 

Everyone started eating, but I didn't. I was too busy admiring my surroundings. 

It was crazy how last year, it was just Lorelai and I for Christmas. I wasn't able to get her a lot of presents-I got her about five (including Santa's presents), but they were not expensive in any way. I was not making a lot of money and I was not able to afford a lot of presents for her. I felt so bad, but this year, she would have more. 

Our tree was filled with presents underneath. There were some for Kurt, my parents, Dave, Krist, Lorelai, and me. 

Lorelai ate all the pancakes and eggs I made, then screamed, "I WANT TO OPEN UP PRESENTS!"

Kurt came out with a camera and recorded everything. 

"First Christmas with the girlies," He said in a silly voice. 

"Daddy!" She ran to him and hugged him. "SANTA CAME LAST NIGHT!"

"He did?" Kurt asked. "Did you get coal?"

"I dunno!" She ran to the stockings and she opened up hers and screamed at the top of her lungs. "COAL?!"

I started chuckling, but then she started wailing. 

"Okay," I rushed over to her. "Lorelai, this isn't your real stocking. Kurt and I were just kidding."

Kurt handed her her real stocking. "Don't open it up yet."

I looked up at him. "That's like putting a fucking cookie right in a kid's hands and telling them not to eat it."

"Your parents aren't watching-they're eating."

"We can see!" My mom hollered. 

"Okay, open it up," Kurt said. 

We sat beside her and watched her open her presents. She loved every one of them. She got dolls, clothes, and a princess tiara. 

She then grabbed her other dolls and started playing with them in the living room. 

"Open your presents, Mom," I told her. 

She got a mug from Kurt and I that was filled with pictures of us from the years. Then, my dad opened up his present and it was a video camera I bought for him. He had always wanted one, but never had the money to get one-I guessed he forgot about it after all these years.