It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 12

June 13, 1991

It was the day we were leaving California. We were all exhausted from the day before-we went to Disneyland. Lorelai had a blast, but we were all so exhausted. Well, we all had a blast. It was nice to be in California and get a break from everything, but then I had to go back and relive all the stress and worries of work and daycare. 

Everyone was packing everything up when Lorelai started screaming. I immediately stopped what I was doing and ran to the screaming. I screamed out loud as soon as I saw her. 

I ran out to the balcony and saw that her leg was stuck in the railing. 

"KURT!" I screamed, but it was unnecessary since he was already behind me. "What do I do?!"

"Hey, it's okay. Go grab some butter."

"Why the fuck would we hav-"

"Go get butter, Ruby."

I ran inside and looked in the fridge and saw that we had butter. I grabbed it and brought it to Kurt. 

"Take some on your hand and put it on her leg," He said. 

I put some on my hand and rubbed it on her leg and the railing. 

"This won't hurt," Kurt told Lorelai.

Lorelai was still crying-she was hanging over the edge. Kurt very carefully took her leg out. I grabbed her and rocked her back and forth. I carried her inside and set her down on the couch. 

"Are you okay?" I asked her. 

"That was scary!" She stopped crying, giggled, and walked around. 

She was just like her dad. 

We got everything together, checked the room and saw that there was nothing left of ours and walked out. 

I was upset that we were leaving-we all had such a great time-but I knew that we would have to go back eventually. 

Kurt and I put everything in our car while Krist and Dave put everything in their car. I hugged them both and told them I'd see them back in Washington. 

I buckled Lorelai in her seat and then got into the car and Kurt immediately started driving. 

Sure, he drove really slow, but that's because he was cautious. I would rather be safe than sorry. 

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"Hey," A very relaxing voice shook me awake. "We're home."

I rubbed my eyes and saw Kurt standing above me in a familiar area-my apartment complex parking lot. 

"Shit!" I gasped. "I was supposed to drive halfway, but I fell asleep! I'm so sorry."

He chuckled. "It's alright. Come on, we'll grab our stuff in the morning. I took Lorelai inside and she's currently sleeping in her bed."

He grabbed my hands and helped me up, then we walked inside and I went straight into my bed. He joined me and wrapped an arm around my body.

"Hey, Ruby?" He whispered. 

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"You have no idea how much I love you," He placed his hand on my hip. 

I turned around to face him and smiled, then kissed him, but he didn't let go. He kept it going. He kissed me harder and tangled his hands in my hair. 

I loved everything about him, but he didn't believe me. He would constantly ask me if there was anything I didn't like about him, but when I would tell him no, he said I would be lying. What was there to not like about him? He was crazy talented, so nice, so kind, so caring, and just filled with love. I needed that love in my life. For so long, I wasn't with anyone and it was lonely-I never thought that I would find love again. Then, Kurt came along and he flipped my world upside down. Sure, there were some downsides, but there's a bad side to every good thing. 

One of the things I loved the most about him was his love for Lorelai. God, the way he looked at her was so adorable and it honestly made me so upset that she never knew her real dad and he would never be able to look at her the way Kurt looks at her. Kurt treats her like she's his own daughter. Sometimes I wondered if Kurt even wanted a kid or if he was just putting on an act so he wouldn't lose me. Maybe he really hated kids. I didn't want to know, though. 

Kurt slipped his hand underneath my shirt, but I quickly stopped him, causing him to groan. 

"I'm tired," I mumbled. 

"You're such a tease," He stuck his tongue out at me. 

I laid down on my side and he did the same, but pulled me into him. I felt something hard against my ass and smirked as I realized what it was. 

"Kurt, are you happy right now?" I asked him. 

"Shut up," He whispered. "This is your fault."

I chuckled and closed my eyes, but I knew that Kurt wouldn't do the same. Each night before he went to bed, he would just think about random shit and he wouldn't stop. He would stare at the ceiling for hours. There was one time where I fell asleep at ten, but I woke up again at one and he was awake and was staring at the ceiling. He would never tell me what he was thinking about, though. I didn't know why, but I didn't push it. 

"Daddy," Lorelai whispered. "Daddy."

"Shh, Mommy's asleep," Kurt whispered. 

"I had a bad dream," She started crying. 

"Hey, hey, come here."

I felt the side of the bed lift up and the crying slowly faded away. I was going to go walk into the bedroom to see if she was alright, but I wanted her and Kurt to get closer and have their moment. 

The bed sunk back down, so I rolled over and kissed Kurt. 

"What the fuck?!" He started panting. 

"Did I scare you?" I chuckled. 

"I thought you were asleep!"

"No, not yet."

"She called me 'Daddy'."

I smiled. "I know. She loves you."

"Isn't that wrong, though? I mean, I'm not her dad."

"I know you're not, but you sure do act like it. Just let her think it-I don't want her to grow up thinking she doesn't have a dad."

"You want me to be her dad?"

"I guess so. Is that fine with you?"

"Yes. I would love to be her dad."