It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 6

November 26, 1990

I woke up and saw that Kurt was lying down next to me. I walked out of the room and was immediately tackled by Dave. He threw me onto the couch and started tickling me. 

"DAVE!" I shrieked. "DAVE! OH GOD, DAVE!"

Kurt rushed out and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

I got embarrassed as I realized what I had just yelled. "I'm sorry."

"It sounded like you two were fucking," Krist said. 

"We weren't," Dave quickly muttered. 

I smiled a hopeful smile at Kurt. I went into the kitchen and made some coffee. 

"How'd you sleep?" Dave asked me. 

"Fine," I sipped my coffee and looked out of the window. 

I missed Lorelai. This had been one of the little amount of times I hadn't been with her. 

"You okay?" Krist asked. 

"Oh, I'm fine," I shook it off. "I just miss Lorelai."

"You'll see her soon."

"Yeah," I set my coffee back down on the table and that was when I noticed Kurt out on the balcony staring out. 

"The view is beautiful," I heard a voice behind me say. 

I turned around and saw Dave standing there and I quickly realized what joke he had made. 

"SHUT UP, DAVE!" I laughed hard and shoved him. 

"Yeah, only Kurt can stare at her ass," Krist said. 

I glared at Krist. "No."

"What about me?" Kurt asked. 

Krist explained what had just happened and I couldn't help but bust out laughing-Kurt looked so pissed. 

"You're my friend; nothing more," Dave assured me. 

"I know," I smiled. 

"What to do...What to do," Krist stroked his chin. 

I walked out onto the balcony and looked down at the floor beneath me. There were cars rushing by and people walking. 

I felt a hand on my back, but that startled me, so I gasped and jumped, almost falling over the edge. I screamed loudly and saw that it was just Kurt. 

"Jesus Christ, I knew I was ugly, but I didn't know I was that ugly," He shook his head in disappointment. 

"You're not ugly."

"Yes I am."

He was being serious. 

"How do you think you're ugly?!" I shouted. 

"Have you seen my face?"

"Yes, I'm literally looking at it right now," I chuckled. 

"I just don't think I'm attractive, Ruby."

"You're ridiculous. You're fucking ridiculous-I hope you know that."

He just smiled. "Okay, whatever."

I couldn't believe that he thought he was ugly. His face structure was perfect, his eyes were so mesmerizing, and his smile lit up the room. Everything about him was beautiful. 

"What are you thinking about?" He asked. 

"You."

"I hope it's good."

I hugged him. "It is."

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"Do you know how to play the guitar?" Kurt asked me. 

"Um, I know a little thing or two," I replied. 

He grabbed an acoustic and I just stared at it with wide eyes. 

"Play something," He said, holding it out. 

"N-No, I can't," I said. 

"Oh, come on. There's no need to be embarrassed."

"Kurt, I can't."

"Ruby, I'm not going to judge you."

"I SAID NO!" I stormed out of the bedroom, slammed the door behind me, and walked out of the hotel room. 

I needed to get away. I hadn't seen a guitar in years-a lot of years-and I didn't want to relive the memory. I couldn't relive the memory. The pain that I didn't want to endure would just come back. 

I felt tears start to form in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away as I quickly grew frustrated. I told him 'no', but he kept urging on. He kept trying to press it, but he didn't. If I wanted to be something with him, he needed to learn boundaries. What if it led to something else? Something really bad? I didn't know Kurt that well or his intentions. 

I realized that I had been overthinking and wasn't even paying attention to where I was going. I turned around and walked back to the hotel as I had calm down.

I went straight to our hotel room and knocked on the door. Dave opened it up and gave a me a half-smile, then hugged me. 

"You okay?" He asked. 

I nodded my head. "I'll be okay. Is Kurt okay? I kind of lashed out at him."

"He'll be fine."

"Did he tell you what happened?"

"He just said that he tried to hand you a guitar and you started freaking out."

"Where is he?"

"Out there," He pointed to the balcony. 

I walked out towards the balcony and felt myself start to shake. I didn't know why I was so scared-there was no reason to be scared. Especially if it was Kurt-he was one of the nicest guys I had met in my life. 

I opened up the door and he turned around and saw me. 

"I'm sorry," He said. 

I sighed. "I think I should explain to you what happened."

We sat down and he held my hand. 

"So," I said. "Dave and I hung out one night and we played the guitar together-it was at our friend's Missy's house. She was singing as we played and then her dad walked in. He was super drunk. He heard me playing the guitar and didn't like the song I was playing, so he took it and smashed it. He smashed it against the ground countless times."

"Jesus Christ."

"I never wanted to play the guitar again after that."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just always get this weird feeling."

"I understand. What song was it?"

"That's a different story for a different time."