It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 92

August 20, 1993

Courtney always threw parties. This time, she was throwing one for Frances. It was her first birthday. She invited Kurt's mother and sister along with her bandmates from her band 'Hole' and some other people that I didn't know. She didn't invite me, though. Did that prevent me from showing up? Fuck no. 

Everyone sat around Courtney's kitchen and ate their cake. I had Melissa and Lorelai stay with my parents at their house out of respect for Courtney. As much as I hated her, I still had some respect for her for being able to raise Frances. She must've been doing something right if Frances was as good as she was.

"Hey, I got some cake," Kurt sat down next to me and handed me a plate of cake. 

"Thank you," I took a bite and looked at Eric (Hole's lead guitarist) and Kristen (Hole's bassist) sitting together. They were dating. 

She was very beautiful. She seemed to fancy Kurt. During the birthday party, I would always catch her just staring at him and whenever she would talk to him, her eyes lit up. Thankfully, Kurt didn't reciprocate the feelings, but he definitely liked her as a person. He told me that he found her interesting, but he didn't like her like that. 

"Frances, come here," Kurt held out his arms for Frances to walk to. She tried to walk, but she could only lift her foot, and then she fell. Everyone groaned. "So close." He sat down next to her on the floor and that was when I noticed that this one lady was giving me a look. 

"Ruby," Kurt slapped my knee. "Look at this."

I watched Frances as she gave Kurt a high-five. 

"She knows how to give high-fives," His eyes lit up. 

It made me feel happy and proud to say that Kurt was the father of my children. Watching him just interact with children made me happy. He told me that he's always loved kids since he used to work with kids when he was a teenager at a YMCA. 

Frances opened up her gifts shortly after. Well, Kurt and Courtney helped her open them. The way that Courtney looked at Kurt instantly made me jealous. She wasn't a very beautiful woman, but she wasn't terribly ugly. She still had feelings for him and I wondered if he had feelings for her or not. 

I never understood what he saw in her that made him want to fuck her. She was just so annoyingly loud, she was older than him and taller, and she had no talent whatsoever. I had overheard her singing before and it made me want to rip my ears out. I thought her speaking voice was terrible. It was nothing compared to her singing voice. 

I chuckled softly at myself. 

I was being such a bitch. 

"What's so funny?" Kurt asked, noticing me chuckling. 

"You don't want to know," I replied and looked at the book he was holding. "What is that?"

"Oh," He opened it up and started showing me the different pages in the book. It was filled with photos of Frances with her family. 

"That's so sweet," My smile faded as I looked at one of the pictures. 

In the picture, Kurt was holding Melissa in one arm and Frances in the other. There was a hand on his shoulder, but the top of it was cut out. Why? Because I was in it and Lorelai was sitting at the bottom of the chair. 

Whoever took that picture and put it in there cut us out. 

"Kurt," I pointed to that picture. "Lorelai and I are cut out of that one."

"What do you mean?"

"Her and I were in that picture."

"Can we talk about this later? I'm not trying to dismiss this; I just want to have my full attention on it so we can figure out what happened."

I massaged his back and kissed his cheek. "Of course."

"I want to take a picture of you three," Wendy stood in front of Kurt, Frances, and I with her camera. I rested my head on Kurt's shoulder and smiled as she took the picture. "Alright, now one with you and Courtney."

Excuse me? 

I backed off of Kurt and stared at him, waiting to see what he would say. 

"Mom," Kurt said. "No."

"Come on. I just want one picture with the mother, father, and daughter. You two don't even have to be near each other. Please?"

Kurt reluctantly got up and stood next to Courtney while holding their daughter. 

I could not believe it. 

I felt like I shouldn't be upset-it was just a stupid picture-but yet I still was. His mother wanted him to take a picture with the woman he cheated on me with and what the outcome of that scandal was. 

I needed to get out of there. I knew that I was about to have a breakdown and I didn't want to cause a scene. 

I walked out of the house and into the front yard, leaning over the bushes. I shut my eyes and slowly inhaled and exhaled, trying to compose my anger. 

"Ruby?" Kurt asked. 

I spun around. "She did that in spite of me. She wanted to-"

"Ruby, stop. No she didn't. She just has always wanted a perfect life for me with a mother, father, and daughter and I kind of have that, but it's different with Frances since she's not yours."

"Are you fucking defending her right now?"

"Ruby," He groaned, roaming his fingers through his hair. 

I thought about the situation. Maybe I was overreacting. It was just a picture. It's not like we were going to hang it up on our wall or something. I needed to get over it. 

"Let's just go back inside," I forced myself to smile. 

He kissed me. "I'll talk to her about it later."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of that for you." I smirked. 

He smiled and shook his head. "Like hell you will."

We made our way back into the living room with the rest of the crowd. 

Then, Kurt stood up, so I asked him to grab my water from the kitchen. As he made his way into the kitchen, Courtney followed him which made my blood boil.

She obviously still had feelings for him. I mean, how could I blame her? If I was to sleep with him just one time, I would love him forever, but I would have the common decency to hide it; she doesn't. She makes it very, very obvious that she still had feelings for him and that bothered me. 

In the kitchen, she leaned up against him. I had enough and stamped over to where they were. 

"Get off of him," I demanded. 

She scoffed. "I was just reaching over to grab an orange."

"There are no ora-Jesus fuck."

"Bitch, you're blind."

I eyed her up and down. Did she just call me a bitch? "I'm not the one that was shooting up while pregnant."

Kurt stepped away, trying to avoid the interaction between us. He didn't try to stop it, though. I could tell that he was entertained. 

"You're the one that decided to stay with someone that slept with another woman while with you!"

"And I married him, cunt!" I flashed her my wedding ring. I said that last word a little too loud, but I didn't care. 

Kurt started laughing as Courtney just shook her head, completely unfazed by what I had just said. 

As Courtney walked away, Kurt snaked his arm around my waist and whispered into my hear, "I have never been prouder to call you my wife." 

I wanted to say that I had never been prouder to call him my husband, but I couldn't. At least not while the thought of him cheating was still in my mind.