It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 132

March 8, 1994

Kurt was released from the hospital yesterday and we flew back home today. I wasn't going to let him out of my sight and I was going to make sure that he was going to get the help that he needed. 

We returned home with Krist, Shelli, Dave, and Jennifer. Both my mom and dad were at home with Lorelai and Melissa. 

My mom hugged me as soon as I walked through the door. "The girls are sleeping, so we should be quiet."

"Lorelai too?" I whispered. 

She nodded her head and then stared at Kurt, not saying a word. I thought she was going to ask him if he was okay, but instead, she just turned around and went into the kitchen. 

My dad came out of the bathroom and I gave him a hug. 

"Kurt, son, you're all over the news," My dad told him. 

"Oh am I?" Kurt asked sarcastically. 

"Lucinda is stopping by today," My mom mentioned to me. 

"Robert's mom?" I asked. 

"Yeah, she called while you were away. She heard about what happened with Kurt and wanted to come by when you came back to make sure that you were doing okay. She also misses Lorelai a lot."

"Wait, what?" Kurt did not seem too fond of that idea. 

"What time is she coming by?" I asked. 

"Probably an hour or two."

I spun around. "Guys, thank you so much for being with us, but Robert's mother is about to come and I don't want all of these people here. No offense, guys."

Kurt and I said our goodbyes to them, and then they all left. Afterwards, we took our suitcases upstairs and took a second to calm down and collect ourselves. 

"This is going to be so fucking awkward," Kurt groaned. 

"Why don't we go take a shower?" I suggested. "Go get the water ready and I'll put everything away."

"Ruby-"

"Kurt, go and-"

"Ruby."

"What?"

He kissed me. "I'm sorry."

Tears started to well up in his eyes, so he walked into the bathroom and started the shower. I took all of my clothes out of my suitcase along with Kurt's and put them in our dirty clothes pile. Then, I put all of our toiletries away. 

I took off my clothes after putting the suitcases away and got into the shower with Kurt to find him softly crying.

"I fucked up, Ruby," He choked out. "I really tried to kill myself. I'm going to be honest. When I woke up in the hospital with you on my chest the first day, I was so fucking angry and confused. I was thinking to myself, 'Why the fuck am I still alive? Didn't I literally kill myself?'" 

As he continued to talk, I started to wash his and my hair.

"I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why are you still with me, Ruby? If I was you, I would've left me after the first time I did it."

"Kurt, it is taking every fiber in my body to prevent me from smacking the shit out of you right now."

I rinsed out our hair and then put conditioner in our hair, then put shampoo on a loofa, rubbed it on my body, then his. 

"Because look at what we've created, Kurt," I told him. "I mean, look at us. We have Frances, Lorelai, and Melissa. We have a beautiful house. We have beautiful families and beautiful friends-"