It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 76

December 24, 1992

The past month had been hectic, but no one knew that Kurt and I were engaged. He was acting a little stranger, though. He would make a big scene if something didn't go his way or if something bothered him. He was constantly throwing up, too and his stomach was getting worse. He would just take some painkillers and hope that the pain would go away, but some nights I would have to stay up with him and try to help him all while feeding Melissa, too.

We were going to spend the night at my parents' house for Christmas Eve, but it was our first Christmas in our new house as a family and Kurt wanted to stay home. He was going to get Frances on Christmas Day while she spent the night with Courtney on Christmas Eve until nine on Christmas and then it would switch next year. 

"One present," I told Lorelai after we ate dinner. 

Kurt and I bought the girls Christmas presents and we hoped that they would like each one. I got Kurt a present that I knew that he would love. I hoped that he would like mine. 

Lorelai picked the biggest one and Kurt started recording her. 

"Can you help?" Lorelai asked. 

I sat down next to her and helped her unwrap it. She started screaming as she saw what she had gotten-a Barbiedoll house. I looked at Kurt and started laughing. 

"Can we open it?!" She screamed. 

"Shh, the baby's sleeping," I chuckled. "Ask Daddy if he'll help you set it up."

She walked up to Kurt. "Daddy, please? Please?"

"What are you going to give me?" He asked.

"I'll give you a big hug."

"Good enough," He hugged her and then set down the camera. 

"Alright, let's go do this," I stood up and helped Kurt carry the box upstairs into Lorelai's bedroom. I grabbed Melissa from her crib as I heard her crying and sat down on her bed. I undid my shirt and started feeding Melissa. 

Kurt took all of the parts out of the box and stared at the ground in horror. "I have to go get my toolbox."

He went into the garage, grabbed it, then ran back. 

"I'll help you guys once I'm done feeding her," I told him. 

"Can you read the directions?" He handed me the manual. 

I read off the instructions and he put it together with Lorelai's help. It really made me happy because it was bonding time between him and Lorelai. As irritable as he was, he was still able to help Lorelai with building it. It didn't take that long to build; it wasn't that big. 

"Can you play dolls with me?" Lorelai asked. 

"Not tonight, baby," I told her. "It's bedtime."

"Aww," She started throwing herself across the floor. 

"Hey, no," Kurt said. "No throwing a fit, okay? Get your pajamas on."

I exited the room holding Melissa, went to my bedroom, laid her on the bed and changed her diaper, then put her down to bed. After that, I helped Lorelai brush her teeth and then tucked her in to bed. 

Kurt and I walked out of the room and went downstairs. I picked up the wrapping paper and heard him chuckle. 

"What?" I asked. 

"I completely forgot that my mom was supposed to come."

"Aw man. Maybe tomorrow?"

Then, there was a knock on the door.