It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 125

February 28, 1994

I had been missing Kurt a lot today. There were some days where I really missed him, and other days where I hardly noticed him gone. 

Thom offered to take me and the girls out to do something. Normally, it would've been weird, considering I was married, but I would never ever EVER do anything with him. There was no way in hell. 

We took Melissa and Lorelai to the park for a little, but the trip was cut short because Melissa had thrown up. 

That worried me, so I rushed her home and took her temperature-98.7. I put her down for a nap and then walked back downstairs with Lorelai and Thom. 

"We should play Go Fish," I said. 

"Yes!" Lorelai squealed.

"Go get the cards from the closet," I lightly tapped her back. "Thom, do you want kids?"

"Probably not," He replied. 

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I don't really want kids; I never had."

Lorelai came running back with a deck of her Go-Fish cards. I took them out of the box and shuffled them, then handed out everyone five cards. 

The first time I taught Lorelai how to play Go Fish, she caught on very quickly. She got that from her father. They both had the ability to adapt to new things quickly, but also learn things at a very rapid pace. Lorelai was so smart. 

As I looked at her, I felt pity for her. I would never have any idea what she would be going through when she was older, but that was alright. I was worried that she was going to be mad at Kurt or I for not telling her. 

"Your turn, Mommy!" She barked at me. 

"Jesus," I chuckled. 

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Shelli and Jennifer decided to randomly stop by. It had seemed like recently whenever one was over, so was the other. They were really close to each other. They didn't include me in a lot of things that they did together. I wondered if they felt like I didn't want to, or they just didn't want to be near me. 

"What's he doing here?" Shelli asked skeptically, seeing Thom in the kitchen getting dinner ready. 

"We're hanging out," I told her. 

"Just you and him?" 

"Yes, just me and him." I knew what she was getting at. I wasn't about to have it. "We're not fucking, Shelli. God, I'm not Kurt."

I walked into the kitchen, slightly laughing at my joke when deep down, I was hurt that she would ever think that I would do that. 

I grabbed Lorelai's plate and put it in front of her. 

"Grilled cheese with a side of tomato soup-just how you like it," I kissed the top of her head. "Say 'thank you'."

"Thank you!" She yelled for Thom to hear. 

"You're welcome," He replied. 

I ran upstairs to check on Melissa in her bedroom. She was still sleeping-she had been asleep for three hours. 

I was starting to get worried that she was very sick. 

I placed the back of my hand on her forehead, and I sighed in relief as I realized she was perfectly fine. Not too hot and not too cold.