It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 40

March 11, 1992

Almost everything was out of the boxes. There were a couple of random boxes lying around. But Kurt and I had been working our asses off when it came to unboxing. We even put up some of his paintings in the kitchen. Lorelai got creeped out by them at first, but ended up getting used to them. 

My parents were also coming-they were in town and were leaving later that day. Kurt and I hadn't told them the news yet, so I was really excited. The last time I told them I was pregnant, they were not very happy, so I was hoping that this time would go better than before. I didn't know what I would do if I didn't. 

"Kurt," I said. "Where are you?"

"Getting Lorelai dressed," He came out of the bathroom with Lorelai who was wearing a blue dress. 

"Mommy, look at my dress!" She ran to me. 

"I love it!" I jumped as the door bell rang. 

I wasn't ready mentally to tell my parents. I was terrified of their response. 

"Hey, it's okay," Kurt put a hand on my shoulder. He could tell that I was nervous. "What is there to be scared of?"

"My parents."

"I'll be here with you."

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"When are the photographers going to be here?" My mom impatiently asked. We had hired photographers to take family pictures of all of us so that when my parents looked at the pictures when we were done, they would see Lorelai holding a sign pointing to my stomach saying, "I'm going to be a big sister!" Kurt came up with the plan so that I would be calm enough to talk to them and still give them the news. 

"Soon," I replied. 

Just then, the doorbell rang. Kurt let the photographer in and we all walked into the backyard. I finally had a backyard. Lorelai never experienced a backyard and we made sure to get a pool so that we would go swimming with her whenever we could. We wanted to give her the best childhood experience we could. 

The photographer was setting up his picture as he told us where to stand. It was not that windy outside and it was very nice. It was the perfect weather to take pictures. 

I remembered when I was younger-before I got pregnant-my parents and I were going to take pictures with Robert, but it was windy outside and my parents didn't care enough to re-do them. They didn't even want to take them in the first place. I was the one that asked because I wanted to make memories. I promised myself that I would never take family pictures again after that, but with Kurt, I wanted to. I wanted to hang pictures of us on the walls like a normal family would. 

"Alright, is everyone in their places?" He asked. 

"Yes," We all replied. 

Lorelai had her sign (it was an arrow pointing to my stomach with the words printed on it in white) and everyone was standing where they were supposed to. 

"Say cheese!" He said. 

We all said cheese and smiled our brightest smiles. 

"I'll go check the pictures," My mom said. 

"Me too," My dad followed her. 

They always wanted to make sure that everything was perfect. That was why I wanted them to check it-to see her sign. I held Kurt's hand and he wrapped an arm around me, assuring me that everything would be okay.

My mom covered her mouth and gasped. "RUBY! ARE YOU-"

"PREGNANT?!" My dad yelled.

That was exactly what happened when I told them I was pregnant with Lorelai. We were sitting down on the living room couch at our old house and Robert and I showed them the ultrasound pictures and they said those exact words at the exact same time that they had just done. 

"Mommy has a baby in her tummy!" Lorelai squealed and started giggling uncontrollably. 

I looked up at my parents, terrified of what their faces would reveal. But instead, I was happy. My mom was crying (in a happy way) and my dad was smiling. They both walked to Kurt and I and hugged us. 

"Congratulations," My dad stepped away. 

"WHEN IS THE DUE DATE?!" My mom yelled very loudly. 

"We don't know yet," I replied. 

"I got it," Kurt started walking towards the photographer. He was getting impatient and waiting to get paid so he could leave. 

"How far along are you?" She asked me. 

"I don't really remember. This is like my third month though."

"I'm so proud of you!"

Wow. My mom had just said that she was proud of me. I was sure that in my entire life, I had not heard her say those words. When I was a teenager, everything I did disappointed her-I made the wrong friends, made the wrong decisions, etc. I never drank or did drugs, but I still snuck out. It was everything that she didn't want in a child. But, in that moment, I was something that she wanted. 

"You're going to be an older sister!"  My mom grabbed Lorelai and shook her lightly. 

"I think they're happy," Kurt whispered in my ear after walking back over to me. 

I hugged him very tightly and kissed him. We were going to be parents. That thought gave me butterflies. Never would I thought that I would make a baby with the most attractive man ever. Even though he couldn't see it, I was convinced that one day I would be able to show him. I didn't know how, but someday I would.