It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 78

December 31, 1992

I suggested to Kurt that we could have a New Year's party and invite a bunch of friends, but he passed on it. I wasn't surprised, just a little disappointed. Krist, Dave, and Shelli came over, but no one else did. I offered for my parents to come over or even Kurt's, but he didn't want his to come over and my parents didn't want to stay up late. 

By the time we put the girls down to bed, it was already ten. We had lost track of time. But, we weren't able to put Melissa down to sleep because we had to feed her. 

"Get the formula so that she's able to be a little used to it when we leave for the Brazil," I told Kurt. 

He got a bottle ready as Melissa started whining. 

"Can I feed her?" Shelli asked. 

"Please," I was half-joking as I gave Melissa to Shelli. Kurt came back, handing the bottle to Shelli. "Prop her up on a pillow on the armrest." After Shelli did what I said, Melissa was contently eating. 

We put on "Death Becomes Her" on the T.V. as background noise. The first time I saw the movie was with Kurt. I loved Meryl Streep, so I was excited to watch it. There was a scene in the movie where the husband tries to kill his wife by pushing her down the stairs and it was a very dramatic death. I remembered that Kurt was talking constantly during the movie, pointing out everything that was wrong with it, but during that scene, he said that when we bickered, that's how it felt-just dragged on. That ended with us having a deep conversation about our relationship while the movie was playing in the background. 

"Do you remember when we first watched this?" Kurt asked me. 

I poured some more champagne into my cup. "I was just thinking about that."

"So, tell me again why you're wearing a dress?" Krist questioned Kurt. 

"Well, you see," Kurt started. "I like dresses, so I decided, 'Hey, why not?'"

"Is it yours?" Shelli asked. 

"Yeah," I stared hard at the dress. "God, I haven't seen that in forever." If I was dating any other guy, I would've been worried that they would stretch out my dress, but Kurt was skinnier than I was. 

"Let's play poker," Kurt randomly suggested. 

"Poker?" I made a quizzical look at him. 

"Yes. I have the set for it in our bedroom. Let me go get it."

"Do I burp her?" Shelli asked me. 

"Yes," I said. "Do you not know how?"

"No, I'm sorry."

I sat next to her and taught her how to burp Melissa. Kurt came back downstairs and went into the kitchen and set up poker. 

"Have you ever played poker with him before?" Krist asked me. 

"No," I answered. 

"You're in for a treat."

We all made our way to the table and I took Melissa back, holding her as she fell asleep in my arms. I sat down next to Kurt and took a sip of my champagne. 

"We all know how to play, right?" Kurt asked. 

"Yep," We all replied. 

He dealt out all the cards and he seemed really excited to play. I was surprised because he never said that he liked poker, but he never said he disliked it. I just didn't know that he knew how to play. 

I looked down at Melissa and stared at her softly sleeping. It was amazing to think that Kurt and I finally had a kid together and we were going to be getting married. We were going to get married. We were going to have our own family and live together and grow old. I never thought that I would find love again, but I did and it was with Kurt Cobain. I was dating the most famous person in the world right now (or at least that's what it felt like).