It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 116

January 20, 1994

"Lorelai, sweetie, don't do that," I gently removed her hand from the cereal box and grabbed my car keys. "I'll be back, guys!"

I got into the car and drove to the grocery store. I needed to get some food for dinner tonight (we didn't have anything). My mom and I decided that we were going to make some tacos together. 

At the store, I bought meat, lettuce, cheese, and taco shells. On my way back home, I stopped for gas, then drove straight back home. 

When I pulled into the driveway, I just couldn't stop staring at my arm and looking at what I had done to myself. Was hurting myself worth it? No. Not in any way. If I could, I would go back in time and re-do that moment forever. But, it was in the past and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I sighed as I remembered that I still had to deal with the situation with Kurt. I didn't want to have to talk to him about that. Did Dave even tell him what I did? I couldn't remember. 

I then started to worry about Kurt. What if that would send him down another spiral? What if he got addicted again or worse: tried to overdose? I shook my head, trying to get those thoughts out of my head. Kurt wouldn't try to overdose. 

I walked inside and set down the grocery bag on my kitchen counter. 

"Mom, I'm back!" I shouted. 

No response. 

No noise whatsoever. 

"Mom?!" I yelled. 

"I'm giving the girls a bath!" She shouted from upstairs. 

I sighed in relief, clutching my chest. I unpacked the items that I got from the store and put them away. 

I bumped into someone as I turned around and screamed when I saw Dave. 

"What-How-Oh my!" I hugged him tightly, still not comprehending that he was actually there. "What are you doing here?!"

"We played a couple shows in Seattle on the seventh and the eighth, so we decided to stop by," He said. 

"Who's 'we'?" I gave him a puzzled expression. 

"DADDY!" I heard Lorelai scream and that made my heart drop. 

No, I didn't want Kurt to be home. 

I didn't want to see him. 

I didn't want to be near him. 

"Why is he here?" I grew angry. 

"Because you can't just run from your problems."

"I'm not running from anything, Dave. He wasn't here to talk about this with me."

He glanced down at my arm. "Ruby. Is it that bad?"

I looked down at the bandage. "No, it's not too bad."

"Let me see it."

"I need to give it air anyway."

I took off the bandage and Dave held my wrist close to his face. His face had "upset" written all over it. I hated looking at him like that. I hated knowing that what I did caused him to feel that way. 

"It's pretty bad, Ruby," He shook his head. 

"No, it's not," I took my wrist out of his grasp. "I don't want you looking at it anymore."

"God, Ruby. Do you need help? Is there something else going on?"

"I don't know. Please don't try to talk about this with me just yet, okay? I don't want to talk about it right now."