It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 122

January 27, 1994

Kurt and I decided to take all of the girls for dinner before he left again. Courtney, for some reason, decided to let Kurt take Frances, too. We decided to go to a diner that was close to our house in case the girls got tired and wanted to go to sleep. 

We sat down at a table in the back and immediately ordered our drinks. Melissa and Frances started giggling at each other and hit the table repeatedly. Melissa and Frances were like best buddies when Frances was over. They liked to play with each other-most of the time, they would just look at each other and laugh. 

Lorelai needed a friend badly. When Frances wasn't around, she enjoyed hanging around Melissa, but she definitely needed to be around people. 

"I'm thinking about putting Lorelai into an actual school for first grade," I told Kurt. 

"Oh yeah?" He asked. 

"She really needs it. She shouldn't be cooped up in a house all day every day-that's not healthy for a kid. I mean, it's not like anyone at her age is going to know who you are, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Are you thinking a public or private school?"

"Public," I rubbed the top of her head and kissed it. 

"Kurt Cobain?!" Someone approached our table. 

It was a very ugly man with bright blond hair and crooked teeth. 

"I'm the lead singer of 'Radiohead'," The man introduced himself. "I'm Thom Yorke."

He had a very thick English accent.

Kurt chuckled. "Hi, I'm-you know who I am. I am obsessed with your song 'Creep'."

"Yuck. Is this your family?"

"Yeah, these are my girls. Melissa, Frances, Lorelai, and my wife Ruby."

"Hi," I waved to him. 

"Hello," He waved back to me. "Well, my mates and I were sitting at a different table and noticed you sitting here and I just had to say hi. I am a fan."

"You know what's funny?" I asked Thom before Kurt could respond. "Dave Grohl-the drummer for Nirvana-was singing your song at karaoke the other night. Him and I are best friends."

"Oh really? That's flattering."

"He sucked at singing it. His voice cracked at the end when he tried to sing the high note."

"Would you like to sit down with us?" Kurt asked. 

"Do you mind?" Thom asked. 

"No, of course not," Kurt and I assured him. 

"That would be splendid," Thom sat down next to Kurt in the booth. 

"Who is that?" Lorelai asked. 

"Oh, he's one of your Daddy's friends," I told her. 

The waiter brought our drinks and then we ordered our food. 

After the waiter left, Thom told us about how much of a fan of Nirvana he was. 

"I don't really like Nirvana a whole lot," I admitted. "Kurt already knows that, though."

"How can you not?!" Thom chuckled. 

"I don't know."

"I don't blame you," Kurt took a sip of his drink. "So, what exactly is 'Creep' about?"

"Well, obviously it's about now being good enough. But, I was inspired to write it because there was this beautiful chick that I frequently saw in bars, but I was too nervous to ever talk to her. One day, I got super drunk and told her about how I felt and she got freaked out. I've been super insecure my whole life."

"Me too!" Kurt's eyes lit up. It was as if after all this time, he finally met someone who felt the same way about him. 

"HOW?!"

That made me laugh really hard. 

They started talking more about their insecurities, but I tuned out that conversation because I didn't want to be brought down, so instead, I played tic-tac-toe with Lorelai. 

"Yeah, we went to Rio de Janerio last year and it was not good at all," I heard Kurt say. 

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows. "Not at all? We literally got married."

"I was talking about the concerts."

"Oh, yeah, those sucked. Thom, those were their worst concerts ever. It's crazy to think that you guys did Unplugged in the same year as whatever the fuck those concerts were."

"Okay, okay, we get it," Kurt smiled. 

For the rest of the time, Kurt, Thom, and I engaged in conversation. I felt bad for judging Thom at first glance, because his looks were so different from his personality (he did not have an ugly personality). He seemed like a really down-to-earth guy who just wanted to be nice to everyone and be friends with everyone-especially Kurt. 

Thom paid for his food while Kurt paid for the rest of ours. I got Melissa and Frances out of their seats, and then gave Kurt a signal that we were going to the car. 

"Wait, I don't want you walking all by yourself at night," He told me. "I'm sorry, Thom, but we've got to head out. The girls are getting tired."

"Oh, I understand. It was nice meeting you all and I hope to see you soon."

"Bye," I told Thom and started to walk away. 

Lorelai, Melissa, and Frances all held hands with each other and started walking out of the front door as Kurt and I held hands, too. 

"That was nice," I told Kurt as we approached the car. 

"Yeah, it was. He seems like a really nice person."

"He is super nice."

We drove straight home, then immediately put the girls down to bed. My parents had already fallen asleep in the guest room. Kurt and I went into our room and I got ready for bed and changed into my pajamas. 

I laid down to bed and immediately got upset. 

"No," He laid down next to me. "I'll lay down next to you while you sleep. I just won't be here when you wake up."

"Goodnight Kurt. I love you so much."

"I love you more."