It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 80

January 17, 1993

I woke up with a stuffy nose and noticed that Kurt was snoring loudly next to me. I got up and brushed my hair and teeth. Then, I remembered last night. I wished that I could just forget it all. We came here to have fun and the first concert was already a disaster. 

I walked out of the room, but I didn't see Krist or Dave anywhere. I noticed a phone and immediately thought of calling my mother and father. I didn't know what the time difference was, but it didn't hurt to call. 

"Hello?" My mom answered and I felt relieved instantly. I even started crying. 

"Mom."

"Ruby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Last night was horrible."

"What happened?"

I walked outside so that no one would hear me. "The concert sucked. They were not good at all. Kurt was a different person, which I get because of his withdrawal and shit, but it's almost getting to be too much. He broke his guitar onstage, Mom. He literally went below the stage and slammed it against the floor. He came back up and just played the drums as if nothing happened. And then Krist was mad at Kurt for some reason and just threw his bass at him! I got so scared and rushed after Krist to mak-"

"Wait, is Kurt okay?"

"Yes, Kurt's fine. It didn't hit him. But I asked Krist what was wrong and he told me to fuck off. Then after it was done, Kurt was throwing his guitar into the speakers and slamming it against the floor, but he always does that. I felt sick seeing him like that, so I went to the bathroom and then I got lost. I got so scared and I just started crying because I couldn't find anyone. I eventually found them and Kurt went out with some friends-"

"He went out?"

"I wanted him to. I didn't really want to be around him, Mom. He was scaring me. But, Dave was there and he helped me get back to the hotel alright."

"Oh, that sweet boy. Are you okay, Ruby?"

"I'm fine, I'm just super scared." I wiped my tears. "I miss my girls. How are they?"

"Melissa's been sleeping most of the time and Lorelai's having a blast. We're going to go to the park."

"Make sure to bundle them up really well."

She chuckled. "I will. I'm sorry that happened, Ruby. That's not healthy at all. Have you talked to them yet?"

"They're all sleeping."

"Oh."

"It's okay, though. I'm just upset because this was supposed to be fun and it's already not. Kurt and Krist got into this huge fucking argument before we even left."

"Left to go to Brazil?'

"No." I explained what happened the previous morning with Kurt and Krist. 

"I'm kind of siding with Krist here."

"I'm not surprised. Where's Lorelai? Can I say hi?"

"Lorelai!"

"Yeah?" I heard her perfect voice from the phone. 

"Come here! Someone wants to talk to you?"

"Hello?" She asked. 

"Lorelai, it's Mommy."

"Mommy! I miss you so much."

I started tearing up. I could just picture her smiling widely with cute little pigtails in her hair. "I miss you too, baby."