It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 131

March 6, 1994

"Open up," I giggled. 

"Mm-mm," Kurt shut his mouth. 

I opened his mouth and shoved the chocolate in there, causing us both to laugh. 

"Don't choke!" I laughed hard. 

"Excuse me," A doctor came in, so I stepped aside. 

"I still can't believe that you punched Shelli," Kurt said after the doctor left. 

"She pissed me off," I sat back down next to him on the bed. "Do you know why she didn't come yesterday?"

"Krist told me that he told her and Jennifer not to come just so that you and I could have a little more alone time."

Dave and Krist left after a little while yesterday, so Kurt and I had a lot of alone time. We talked a lot. We didn't talk about the overdose or anything like that. We talked about the girls and I told him about how Melissa had been babbling, but I was worried she hasn't been talking. I told him about how Lorelai was doing in school and how I signed her up for kindergarten at the nearest public school there was. We also talked about the wedding and how excited we were-mostly me, though.

"That was nice of him. They're coming today though, right?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Were you really cheating on me?"

I had completely forgotten about our argument and what unraveled before this moment. I forgot that the whole reason I forgot Shelli was because she called Kurt and made it seem like Thom and I had a thing going on when we clearly didn't. 

"Kurt, I promise I would never do that to you," I kissed his hand. "Thom and I have just been getting closer-as friends-since you've been gone. Nothing more."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Do you believe me?"

"Yes."

"Is that what caused you to overdose?"

"Yeah," He shook his head as if he was ashamed in himself. "It was so stupid. I thought you were actually cheating on me, so I felt worthless, and I wanted to kill myself. Ruby, I wasn't even thinking. I was just...doing. It was in the heat-of-the-moment and my feelings were really intense."

"I know what you mean."

"No you don't."

"Kurt, with my arm? The cuts?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. Shut your mouth," I smirked. 

"I wonder what news has been circulating the media about me."

"I bet that there's probably an article out there saying that you masturbated while overdosing."

He started laughing obnoxiously. "What the fuck?!"

"I mean, hey, we all have our things we like."

"I'm not-" He rubbed his eyes. "I'm not into that, Ruby."

"You don't know that. Have you ever tried it?"

"No."

"You should try it sometime."

"Maybe I should actually."

"No!" I chuckled. 

"Ruby, I have not smiled in days. You are the first person to make me smile in the past couple of days."