It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 142

April 4, 1994

"Dave and I aren't going to make it," Kurt told me as he handed me my plate of toast that he made. 

"What do you mean?"

"Him and I have not been getting along at all and it's all your fault."

"All my fault?" What did I fucking do?

"It's all your fault. I mean, how dare you love me."

I smirked. "I should've known better. I'm the reason why you love needles so much."

"Needles, needles keep 'em coming."

"So, what's going on with you guys?"

"The last time we talked, it was not good. It was last night, actually. Well, before I went to rehab, he had hugged me and told me that he hopes I do better. Last night-after you went to sleep-he called me. He told me that I'm ruining you and that our relationship is just terrible and we should get a divorce. Here, I'm going to quote what he said. I wrote it down right after he said it."

He grabbed his notebook off of the coffee table and flipped to a page. He then started to read. "'Kurt, I love you man, but this bullshit has to end. Not just for you or Ruby, but for your kids. I mean, look at what's going on around you. You're losing us. Krist and you got into a huge-ass argument right before you left and now you guys aren't speaking to each other. Your mother filed a missing person report for you, Kurt. Look at your daughters. Courtney won't let you see Frances. That means something and you know it. Ruby's parents literally took away Melissa and Lorelai last night and you didn't give a single fuck. Those girls are growing up without their father in their life. Pretty soon, they're going to grow up with no mother with the way things are headed. 

"'I have been friends with Ruby for majority of my life and not once have I ever seen her in a low spot like this. She is literally going insane, Kurt. She's a completely different person. You and her are in a tough spot right now and I know that it sucks, but I mean, come on. I am protective over Ruby in a different way. I am like her older brother and I don't want to see her getting hurt. You, Kurt, are acting like you want to see her get hurt. You're not taking care of your family. Your family is slowly falling apart and you're not doing a single thing to change that. I love you, but you're really scaring me, man. You and Ruby. I hope you're doing better.'"

I had to take a minute to process that. I knew that Dave was coming from a place of concern, but I mean, that was really harsh considering how Kurt had been feeling lately. Everyone was really worried and concerned for Kurt, but they always expressed it in the wrong ways-including myself. 

I stared at Kurt and he had no expression on his face. I felt so bad for him. I couldn't tell if he was just hiding his emotions or if he really didn't feel anything. He had felt so much at this point, I wouldn't even be surprised if he didn't know how to feel. 

I stood up and hugged him. "Are you okay?"

"It feels like everyone hates me," Kurt admitted. 

"I don't hate you."

"Majority of people in my life hate me now. I bet you my fans hate me now, too."

"Fuck your fans. Right now, they are not important."

"Krist hates me. I don't blame him. Dave hates me, too."

"He doesn't hate you. He literally told you he doesn't hate you. He said that he loves you. I just think they hate the way that you're headed right now."