It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 118

January 23, 1994

Dave, Krist, Pat, Kurt, and I were all waiting for the interviewer to come and get the interview started. I wasn't supposed to be here, but Kurt wanted me to-he was the man and everyone listened to him. He said that he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. 

"It smells like fish in here," Dave whispered in my ear. 

I raised my eyebrows in confusion, but then I noticed my position: my legs were up on the seat and I was tucking them into my chest. 

I gasped and shoved him. "I do not smell like fish, you dick."

I looked over at Krist and I saw him smiling at us. 

What? I mouthed to him. 

I'm glad you're doing better, he mouthed back to me. 

That made me smile. Krist had been more concerned for me lately, so that obviously meant that Dave told him what happened. Krist was almost like an uncle to me. He seemed protective over me in a way. I knew that him and Dave deep down didn't like that Kurt and I were together, but they were really good at hiding it. 

Now that I thought about it, a lot of people didn't like that Kurt and I were together. Krist, Dave, my parents, and probably most of Nirvana's fans. It's not like I cared what his fans thought, though. I did care about what Krist, Dave, and my parents thought. My parents didn't like us together since he cheated on me. For Krist, I noticed the shift in his thoughts about our relationship when Kurt overdosed for the second time-he didn't straight up tell me he didn't like us together, but I could just tell he didn't. As for Dave, he told me early on. I guess he never wanted us to be together. 

"Pat, how are you doing?" I randomly asked him. I realized that I never really talked to him and I wanted to change that. 

"I'm doing good," He leaned forward in his chair to look at me. "And you?"

"I'm doing good, too."

Then, the interviewer walked back and introduced himself as Marty. Dave and I gave each other a look and busted out laughing. I had to clutch my stomach because of how bad I was laughing. 

"Is my name so funny?" Marty asked. 

After Dave and I gathered ourselves, Dave shook his head. 

"No, it's not you," He explained. "You wouldn't get it."

"It's just something that happened to us in high school with a guy named Marty," I said. 

"Oh please explain," Marty said. 

"Oh," I sat up straight. "Dave and I were getting lunch and this guy named Marty that we knew stood on top of a table and was about to give a speech, but-" I couldn't even get the next sentence out because of how hard I was laughing. 

"He shit his pants!" Dave started laughing again, too. 

"It got all over the people's food!" That made me laugh harder. "I'm sorry. I think I should go excuse myself so you can get the interview started. Dave, you should too."

We both went into the bathrooms and I took a good look at myself in the mirror and immediately stopped laughing. 

Good, I thought to myself. 

I sat back down next to Kurt and Dave and Kurt did not seem amused at all. I tapped him on the shoulder and mouthed to him, What's wrong? He smiled and told me that nothing was wrong. I reached out for his hand, so he put his hand in mine.