It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 162

October 11, 2003

"I don't think she's going to react to it as well as Lorelai did," I admitted to Ethan. 

"Well, would you rather wait it out or tell her now?" Ethan asked me. "Frances is coming tomorrow and you know that she's going to want to talk about it with Melissa."

"No, you don't. What if she's really sensitive about that topic? What if she doesn't even know who Melissa is?"

"Calm down, Ruby. It's alright."

"I'm done pooping!" Jackson shouted. 

"Go wipe your son," I told Ethan. 

"I did it last time."

"And I'll do it next time."

Ethan walked into the bathroom and wiped our three-year-old son Jackson. His full name was Jackson Anthony Hawke. 

He was such a bright boy and he really loved everyone around him. He was very obedient, too. He rarely said, "No", but if he did, he would explain why he thought that we were wrong (to the best of his ability). 

He brought a lot of happiness into our lives, too. 

Lorelai was seventeen now and she was really difficult to deal with. I thought that she was going to be an easy teenager, but she wasn't. She blamed it all on the fact on having both of her dads committing suicide, but I knew that there were other things going on that she just wasn't talking to me about. But, at the same time, I knew that those two things played a factor into her life because not having a father in your life really changes things for you. 

Ethan tried to help as much with Lorelai as possible, but he still didn't want to feel like he was pushing the whole father-thing onto her. I tried to explain to him that he had been in our lives for eight years, so he wasn't really forcing anything, but he thought that he was. 

Lorelai would always argue with us and always talked back. She treated Melissa and Jackson like shit and always snuck out. I was convinced that she was drunk and having sex, too. For all I knew, she was snorting cocaine. I was worried because I didn't want her getting pregnant like me. I wasn't going to be able to handle that for her. 

She was more upset over Kurt's death rather than Robert's. At fifteen, she told me that she felt like Kurt was her real dad and Kurt wasn't. I had more videos of Kurt and Lorelai, but there wasn't really anything of Robert and her. I mean, Kurt had made more of an effort with her than Robert really did. Lorelai also heard a lot about Kurt, considering about the song Nirvana released last year.

Last year, Nirvana released "You Know You're Right" and it was a life-changing thing. The whole world went crazy and so did I. When I first heard about it, Dave called me and explained to me what was going on. It was almost like he was warning me about it because he specifically told me that it was going to be on the radio. When I first heard it, I cried. I didn't cry because it was sad, but I cried because it was Kurt's voice. The whole chorus was him singing, "Pain". It made me wonder how much pain he was really in. 

Melissa was eleven now and with the new technological advances, I was surprised that the kids at her school hadn't told her about Kurt yet. Melissa was sassy when she was younger and used to be really disobedient, but now, she learned her lesson and she was very obedient. She saw the way that Lorelai treated us and that was when she started to settle down. She didn't really talk back and she loved hanging out with Jackson.

After Ethan finished wiping Jackson, they both plopped onto our bed as we waited for Melissa and Lorelai to return home from school. 

"It would help if Lorelai wasn't around as we told her," I suggested to Ethan. "God, I'm so scared."