It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 155

May 17, 1996

Ethan and I had been going out for the past three months. We were taking things slow (for the most part). We had kissed and hugged and held hands, but no sexual things of the sort...yet. 

Our first kiss wasn't too romantic, but it was perfect for me. We went out to a little concert at a nearby bar and once it finished, he walked me back to the car. On the way there, I must've tripped and fallen over a rock, but he caught me with one arm and seized that opportunity to lean down and kiss me. 

It was perfect. 

We went on little dates, but I hadn't brought him back to the house. I hadn't told Lorelai about him yet. But, if I told her about him, that meant that I would have to tell her about Robert and Kurt. I had no idea how I was going to be doing that, though. I was planning on telling her later today since Ethan and I had been getting closer. 

I wouldn't have my children meet Ethan if I didn't think that our relationship was going somewhere.

Ethan made me happy and I felt like a brand new person when I was around him. These past couple years of my life, I had been super upset and lonely-not just because I was single-because of how hard everything was. Dave wasn't around as much anymore because of his new band and I had to help Lorelai with her homework, but I was terrible at it. 

I was still dealing with the fact that Kurt had killed himself. I was miserable for the first couple of months, but by August, I was doing way better than I was the day Dave and I had found him dead. There was not one day that had gone by that I didn't think about him, though. It felt like everything was tied back to him. 

I just really hoped that everything with Ethan would work out. I could see us working out in the long run, too. I just never thought in a million years that he would be attracted to me. With Kurt, he didn't act like a celebrity-he was not entitled at all-and so far, Ethan was not entitled, which was surprising, considering how famous he was. 

In the middle of cleaning the dishes, the phone rang. I picked it up and held it in between my ear and shoulder as I continued to clean. 

"Hello?" I asked. 

"Hello," Ethan's voice answered.

I immediately put down the dishes and walked into the bedroom. 

"Hi, Ethan," I smiled. 

"Is Lorelai home?"

"No, she's at school. Melissa's sleeping in her room right now, too. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could come over for a little."

"Not yet. You can come over in two hours; we already discussed this."

We were planning on having Ethan come over for dinner and us tell Lorelai that we were dating. Then, Dave would come over and he would help me tell Lorelai about Robert, and then Kurt. I didn't know yet if I was going to talk about only Robert and then Kurt, or just Robert. It really depended on what her reaction was. 

For the rest of the week, I called her out of school. She would be going to therapy and I would let her deal with it. I would tell her whatever she wanted to know-to a certain extent-and I was going to help her. She deserved it. 

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a while," Ethan complained. 

"If 'a while' you mean yesterday, then sure. You haven't seen me in a while."

I heard the bus outside of the neighborhood screech. 

"Oh no, I just heard Lorelai's bus," I said. "I'll call you back later, alright?"